Forging Resilience
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Forging Resilience
51 Carl Radley: Transformative Journeys
Episode Number 50! (I had to delete one at the guests request...)
This stimulating conversation featuring Carl Radley, host of the "Weightloss Warrior" podcast illustrates the profound impact mindset has on our approach to weight loss and personal well-being.
Carl shares his own transformative journey from battling with weight and self-identity to becoming a successful coach passionate about helping others create sustainable habits. Listeners are encouraged to appreciate the nuances of their own journeys and view setbacks not as failures but as opportunities to learn and grow.
Throughout our discussion, we explore essential pillars of health that extend beyond physical fitness, highlighting the intricate dance between mind, body, and spirit. Carl’s insights uniquely focus on crafting a lifestyle meaningful to each individual rather than adhering to a one-size-fits-all approach, making this episode relevant for anyone seeking to shape a healthier and happier existence.
The conversation also delves into the importance of family connections and being present, prompting listeners to reassess what truly brings happiness in life. Embrace the journey, and remember to celebrate every step of progress towards a healthier life. Share your thoughts or questions after listening, and don’t forget to subscribe for future insights!
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Welcome to Forging Resilience. Exploring for a different perspective on strength and leadership, Join me as we discuss experiences and stories with guests to help gain fresh insights around challenge, success and leadership. Today, on Forging Resilience, I'm joined by my good friend, Carl Radley. Carl is the host of Weight Loss Warrior podcast.
Speaker 2:A very good friend lives close to me here in Barcelona and very supportive of my journey, and also it happens to mark what is quite a milestone for me in episode number 50. So I'm really pleased to be getting to speak to you today, carl. Welcome back to the show, mate.
Speaker 3:Thank you very much and congratulations. First of all, episode number 50, that's a big milestone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So I've recorded a few more, but I'm going to push this one forward. You're going to jump the queue.
Speaker 3:Favoritism gets shown sometimes, so it's good to know being a friend of yours is, uh, it's worth something well, it makes up for the, the first one we did.
Speaker 2:I just brushed over it and didn't announce it to the world, so can't make yet, like I said, welcome here, buddy. Um, give give the viewers a um or listeners a quick overview of your story and on what you're up to these days, mate of course, and and thanks again for having me back.
Speaker 3:So I'm from essex, originally moved to barcelona coming up 16 years ago. My professional life I work in hr and payroll the glamorous and sexy world of making sure people get paid on time, which is important. Don't get me wrong, but a few years ago started a podcast surrounded surrounding weight loss and mindset, based off a journey I'd been on myself to lose weight and become healthier. I was actually trying to do that in time for my 40th birthday, because I have a wife Spanish wife here, called Nuria. Similar to yourself, I have two boys who are going to be 10 and 8 next month and as I was approaching 40, realized that the energy needed to be present.
Speaker 3:To be a good dad for me, I was starting to see myself drift a little bit. I wasn't as healthy as I wanted to be. To be a good dad for me, I was starting to see myself drift a little bit. I wasn't as healthy as I wanted to be. I was overweight. I wasn't taking care of myself enough, so made a promise to myself that before I got to 40 I'd be in the best shape I was did that went through some incredible transformations. Personally, in focusing on mindset, the journey that that led me on and and good I felt for it. So, based off of that, began a podcast helping others to do the same, helping them to lose weight, and it's then expanded into me training and becoming a coach, working on weight loss, mindset to creating a membership site where people can come and get support they need and really, you know, just it becoming part of my life, based off of my own experiences, which I find fascinating but also really enjoyable yeah, lovely mate, it's been.
Speaker 2:It's been a privilege to get to be part of that journey and watch it um, both your health and fitness journey and also your, your podcast journey, which I'm sure we'll come on to. But if you were to reflect back, carl, then a few years, what? What are some of the, the pivotal moments for you on on that, that weight loss journey, um, on that health and fitness mindset that you've been able to adapt and lean into?
Speaker 3:okay, so I think it's probably to give some context. I started gaining weight and would consider myself overweight from about 12 years old, as I hit puberty and at 12.
Speaker 2:I hit puberty at 12. Sorry, I know I know late, late start.
Speaker 3:Or is that an early start?
Speaker 3:I don't know, it's early man, but I think you know, interested to know where you're going with that. Um, well, I started gaining weight. I probably didn't have the first few hairs until I was nearly 13, but um started gaining weight when I was about 12 and I just remember it because I was in junior school and a comment was made to my mum by one of my friend's dads and I suddenly became very aware wow, he thinks I'm fat and although I wouldn't say my life's been miserable being overweight in my teens, in my twenties, in my thirties, it was definitely a factor to, first of all, having lesser health than I could have done. Poorer health, it was definitely a factor to, first of all, having lesser health than I could have done. Poorer health but also as a barrier to certain things, or I saw it as a reason why I couldn't do things or didn't achieve things, be it in going out with my friends, be it with girls, be it with my job, I always seem to come back to oh, it's because I'm overweight, it's because I'm unhealthy, and you know some of the of the habits drinking, smoking and things like that but really didn't serve me and the journey that I've been on with that.
Speaker 3:I spent years, different diets, trying to lose weight, losing some regaining weight. Starting the six-pack for the summer campaign, which started nowhere, like every year since I was 16, started on January 1st six-pack for the summer until I was about 34, didn't achieve it once by February, had nearly always given up and chosen to wait until the next year to actually start taking care of myself, almost giving myself permission to say okay, so you haven't, you've failed or you're stopping, it's now okay to go the rest of the year not taking care of yourself and then, when January comes around again, then you can start again. So I'd spend that rest of that year not looking after myself. So that kind of context of how I was spending my life not eating well, not really looking after myself, and then having that sudden decision. I really feel like I need to do this, not just for myself now but for my family, for longevity, because the difference between being 20 and being 40 is huge in terms of aches and pains, tiredness and knowing that it's only going to decline and become harder. For me it was a really important, I'd say, milestone or moment to reflect and so, as part of that journey, having that sudden realization that actually this is really critical now and there are consequences that are only going to get bigger if I don't start taking care of myself.
Speaker 3:And so decided, though having struggled so much, to kind of stick to a diet or stick to going to the gym. I needed to look at it from a different angle, and for me it was about how can I, first of all, what angle is left unexplored for me? And realize that I'd never really put mindset or self-belief, or focusing on the mental health side of things first in front of physical, so I thought, okay, that's a different angle, that's something different to try and that's something to look at. So I started first of all trying to understand why I'd struggled to lose weight and stay healthy, as, as opposed to you know, the habits of you know. I suppose it was about creating better habits, but instead of doing it from a place of restriction where, okay, I'm just to only eat salads for the next two months, so I lose weight.
Speaker 3:It was about okay, why do I not feel able to resist eating a tub of Haagen-Dazs on a Friday night, or a large pizza on a Saturday and six pints? Because that seems to be the habit. So that's what I needed to train out of me, almost, and I'd never explored it. So that was probably the big shift and the start of my journey in terms of focusing on mindset, thinking about how I can actually strengthen my ability to achieve things, and it's leaked into every other area of my life. I realized that losing weight was actually a byproduct of having stronger mental health and looking out for myself, and the success I've experienced in other areas of my life, I believe, is directly linked to that as well, which is why I've become such a strong advocate of of good mental health and the importance of having a healthy mindset. So I don't know if that answers your question.
Speaker 2:I went off on a bit of a tangent and background again, but love it as exactly how it should be answered, mate, from from your heart. So, yeah, um, in terms of of, of that mindset that you've worked on, then, carl, what, what was, what was some of the beliefs that you became aware of that you got to challenge or get rid of, that were potentially holding you back?
Speaker 3:so I mean the limiting belief. There's a long list of them. Some of them, you know I choose to forget some of them I'm still working on, or still come back and surprise me every now and again, which is always interesting because it just it goes to show like working on yourself is a lifetime project. It doesn't have a finish line, because you find new things that you didn't expect, that challenge you. But in terms of the limiting beliefs I had leading up or when I started this, things like this is how I'm supposed to be. I'm always going to be this way, no matter what I try or how hard I try, matter what I try or how hard I try, I'm always going to be overweight or I'm always going to fail if I try to become healthier. Because I had so much evidence spanning, you know, years, my whole adult life, that told me I was always going to give up, I was always going to fail, and that, I would say, at some, at some moments, probably prevented me moving forward or even getting started or giving myself the opportunity to really succeed. So I'd say that was definitely a key one.
Speaker 3:Another one was probably that you don't finish things, and this was something that I could. I connected to other areas of my life, like with procrastination, and I guess it was a case of you don't finish things, you're going to start it. You're not going to complete it, so you might as well give up. And it was almost as if I gave myself that permission to quit sooner on certain things, not just with weight loss, but I saw a pattern emerging in other areas of my life as well. Be it with relationships, work, be it with anything that I had to do, I would kind of delay, I would kind of put it off, I would and then realize that it was because I didn't believe I would actually do it in the first place. So I was making these big, bold statements but I guess no real intention or at least a belief I could actually see it through to the end, and that was what probably the most powerful part of it- so what are some of the things that you do, then?
Speaker 2:you that you hold really close to your heart or in your vision, then car that that reminds you of where you've come from, where you are and where you want to go?
Speaker 3:it's interesting because I I still now find it quite easy to forget how far I've come in certain things, and I think it's something that happens to all of us that we focus on the lack, we focus on what's missing or what we can't do, as opposed to how much we have done and how much closer we are now perhaps than we were a year ago, six months ago, even a week ago in some cases. And I think the things that I hold really close to me and it goes back actually from when we were coaching and you were, you were just starting out in your coaching journey and you said to me, like you know, just be kind to yourself and have that compassion, know that you are learning. That was the other thing you said as well. I think one of the statements were I'm learning, and this was something that I still I think it's been really profound in holding that space for myself to just stop and say it's okay, you're a human. You're going to make mistakes, you're going to have doubts, you are going to be unsure and uncertain about your ability to do things and perhaps sometimes you don't yet have the knowledge, skills or tools to complete it. But don't worry about that Just worry about what's the next step, what's the next thing you need to do to get a little bit closer.
Speaker 3:And I listened back to the first podcast episode we did, and I spoke about this rickety old bridge where you're stood in the middle and rather than looking back you know going backwards or how far you've come you look at how far you've still got to go in front of you and I think sometimes stopping that and reversing it maybe actually looking back over your shoulder and acknowledging or celebrating how much you've achieved and what you have done is often the fuel to propel you that next step forward. Because if you, if you come from a negative angle or your negative like headspace of I can't get any further, I can't get any closer you, you lose sight of just how much you've done. And when you do stop and look back at just how much you've achieved, it's pretty incredible, to the point where you can be a completely different person, and so that's really helped me.
Speaker 2:I think that's the perfect analogy for for the walk we did at the weekend as well, which was an organized event that Kyle and I did, starting off in a local town, walking all the way to Montserrat well, not the top, but close enough for us.
Speaker 2:Don't tell Jordi 40 kilometers, just shy of, but we'll round it up for never letting the truth get in the way of a good story. Um, but I was very conscious of that, mate. Um to to pause and look around and acknowledge literally how far we've come and how the objectives was getting closer, but more than anything, just to to admire the scenery on the way of what, what's right in front of us now in between the banter and the and the snacks. But yeah, I think I said it really jumps out at me that that, that paint picture you've just painted there, to the, to the walk that we did.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think I think with that as well, because I I had a lot of self-doubt about doing that walk first of all, all at all, and I'll be honest in saying, and with you as well, because I see you as somebody a lot fitter than me, you know, you've got all of the experience in the military and stuff doing these long walks and things like this. You know the imposter syndrome that started to come up a little bit. There was like, oh, you don't want to make a fool out yourself here, carl, or you know it's gonna be really easy for ron, but but you know you're really gonna struggle with this. And then realizing that actually, don't worry about that, just go out, just do the first kilometer, do the second kilometer, and realizing that I'm actually more capable of doing it than I gave myself credit for. Again, it's that repeating pattern of allowing yourself to buy into that fear and by doing so you're feeding it and giving it more space to grow, which only goes against what you're able to achieve. As opposed to saying do you know what and this is where I really realized it I was showing my boys the the strava map.
Speaker 3:You can get like a little 3d map of your journey and I played it to them and watched the route that we took. They're like wow, daddy, you went so far. And I was like yes, I did. And and you know that was no judgement from them, that was just an observation and I was like do you know what? Yeah, I did, and that's what made it special, the fact that I did go so far. I did do it. It was a hard walk, it was a struggle.
Speaker 3:I'm paying for it now, even sitting down here, my right bum cheek still aching that's from the walk that is from, just want to put that out there, um, but I think looking forward and looking forward with positivity, looking back as at it as an achievement, is really key yeah, yeah, definitely and your snacks, by the way, were brilliant, yeah I've got experience making snacks good snack game with with your own journey, carl, and and that um transfer into coaching.
Speaker 2:What are some of the, the pillars that you draw on or that you help people with to come up with their own sort of formula or mindset for for their own weight loss?
Speaker 3:journey? Good question. So, as I've, first of all, I lean into a lot of what helped me and, first of all, I think I do that because talking from experience and sharing with people when I coaching them or when I'm talking of a podcast or on that is me being authentic, because that is my truth, that's my experience and I feel qualified to talk about my experience, whereas the imposter syndrome might say, oh, you know, you're not qualified to talk about X, y and Z topic. But for me, this is something I feel happy to talk about, and not only that. I know that it helped me in many ways and believe it can help others. So I mean the main pillars.
Speaker 3:It goes again to just the basics being done correctly, and something that I see a lot of people struggle with surrounding weight loss in the same way that I did, is just doing the simple things well, but doing them repetitively until they become habitual, until you have those habits in place which then form that lifestyle that people are chasing, rather than being focused specifically on what the scales say, how much you weigh, losing X amount of weight by X amount of time. I think the focus has to change. Focus has to be like okay, how do I want to feel? What is my why? You know what is really important to me as an outcome. So, when working with people from a coaching perspective, when working with people who are losing weight, specifically identifying that outcome goal is absolutely key, and I don't I tend not to accept things. Like you know, I want to lose three stone. Okay, that could be the goal, but why and dig levels deeper into that why is that important to lose three stone? And it could be because that person has, um, they've got a wardrobe, wardrobe full of clothes that no longer fit them, but that's what they want to do. They want to wear those clothes again. Or it was a time before they had children and they want to get back to that. That's when they felt healthy. So there's lots of different reasons why people have a wire, but they don't often identify it correctly.
Speaker 3:So, having that outcome goal and then, in terms of pillars, identifying the behaviors or the categories that need to be fulfilled in order to feed into that outcome goal, or the categories that need to be fulfilled in order to feed into that outcome goal, be it nutrition, movement and again you taught me this the basics done well hydration, movement, nutrition, rest, mindset, and that's the other one. I'm not sure if you gave me mindset. That's one I added myself, but obviously, being a mindset coach, I felt it had to have a place in there there. So how do we create actions and behaviors that support those pillars? And it's almost like a pyramid. From there you have the outcome goal. At the top you have the categories that need to be fulfilled, the buckets for one of the better way of describing them and then the individual actions that will fill those buckets, without even thinking about the outcome goal. If you do those, those actions that fill those buckets by default, those buckets without even thinking about the outcome goal, if you do those, those actions that fill those buckets by default, those buckets get filled and that fulfills the outcome goal. So then you take away the pressure from having to lose Freestone or having to do something else and really breaking it down to a point where you look at your day and you say, okay, what can I do today that's going to support that, that goal? What's going to fill my bucket today? And it could be I'm going to drink more water. It means or I'm going to take the dog out for a walk, or I'm going to prepare my lunch and my dinner so that I'm in control of what I'm eating various things.
Speaker 3:But we work a lot on individual actions because then that creates a lifestyle that can be healthy. So we work on lots of things, but that's what helped me focusing on individual actions each day, knowing that if it does go tits up, no problem, because you can be compassionate again, be kind to yourself, know that the next day you can go again. And one of the things that we we look at a lot is is closing the loops of the loops. I call them loops of failure. But when somebody's on a trajectory of where it's not going well they might have had a blowout weekend or feel that they're overwhelmed with the whole wanting to lose weight their mindset is just telling them they can't do it. It's often a case of going back to again, to basics, holding that space for yourself to say, okay, I'm learning, all is not lost, I can still go forward. But then reducing it to what feels manageable in that moment and then just again building that base and building up and continuing and and how much did the sabotaging behaviors come in?
Speaker 2:and is that easy for you to pick up car when you're, when you're working with somebody?
Speaker 3:I. I think it's becoming easier as I become more experienced at coaching, because I think I think everyone's got a very individual story, not just with weight loss, but every walk of life. Everyone's got circumstances, situations, traumas good things, bad things that have happened to them which bring them to this moment, their way of thinking, the way of doing things. But yet we share so many commonalities in terms of we do things for certain reasons, because of self-limiting beliefs, because of habits we've picked up, because social media is created in a way so we become addicted to it. There's so many different things there. Although we're very, very unique in our journeys and it feels very personal to us, there are so many things that are common between us, and identifying those I think have really helped me in terms of helping other people, because it's almost as if I notice the track the talk track starts to go in a certain direction and it's like, okay, it's usually because there's a limiting belief there or it's because of a certain. Usually because there's a limiting belief there or it's because of a certain habit the person has. So I definitely think it's helped me and I definitely see the commonalities there between people. So I think having those conversations with people. Quite often that person might not see it themselves yet or believe it's because of something else.
Speaker 3:And I like to think, as I said, becoming more experienced as a coach and and leaning into my own journey a little bit as well, I can almost be a step ahead or offer something for them to think about from a different perspective, or challenge it with compassion and in a kind way. But to challenge them and say, but is that true? Is that really true? And that's quite often something for people that hasn't happened before. You know it's quite sensitive. A loved one might say you know you're great just for where you are. Or friends and family, you know, tell you the things that you want to hear. So, having a space where I, as a, feel confident to challenge somebody and that person accepts being challenged, it opens the door to so many new conversations and ways of thinking that haven't been looked at before, and that's where I think the real power of coaching lies.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely, a new perspective is the opportunity for new actions, isn't it? Just like you alluded to right at the beginning there, the other other areas of the, the journey that you've not explored in your own personal one, being being mindset. So so this, this whole journey, led you on to the podcast, carl, and I think it's a really it's an incredible achievement. How many episodes are you up to now, mate, on your we are.
Speaker 3:I say way, it's all me, all me, no one else getting credit for this. I'm up to about I think the next one's episode 144. Wow, that's awesome, mate, which is is great, you know, and when we spoke last time it was I just crossed episode 50, episode 50 myself. See, look where you can be if you keep working hard. You can be just like me, like. But that in itself, and hearing myself talk about being episode 50, I didn't realize at that point. Now, looking at I've created nearly 100 episodes more since then and that's just vanity. The number is just vanity, but the conversations I've been allowed to have with people, the interesting people I've been able to meet, yeah, insights that that's created for myself or enabled me to help other people with.
Speaker 3:That is where the real treasure is in this and why I absolutely love doing it yeah, because to get to that number can't have been an easy road no, and then sometimes and still isn't, and I'm actually, you know, coming out of a bit of a I'll call it a wobble, like a moment of self-doubt, which just shows it, even after nearly 150 episodes, it still happens. I am human and this was like the lesson. I've kind of reflected on the fact that there will always be circumstances that change, reasons for things to be difficult in other areas of your life. So you kind of have to, you have to ride that wave, you have to be willing to, to move certain things, and I think we spoke about it on our walk, saying that knowing what you're going to fail at ahead of time and giving yourself acceptance for that. Because I just started a new job in December, completely underestimated how much time and energy that was going to take from me, I thought I'd just walk into it, be easy. You know I've been doing this game for ages, turned out not the case, and I'm still learning a lot.
Speaker 3:And so the times that I would dedicate out of my normal hours for the podcast, for coaching, I found less because I didn't want to fail at my new job, but I had to accept that. Okay, I can't create time out of nothing, and if that's what the time I want to dedicate to that, something else has to give, and I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to dip into family time, because that's something that you mentioned. You know you say about problems or it not being easy. There have been moments during this journey where I don't want to say obsessive, but I'll use priority probably as a better way of describing it. But I prioritized the podcast and coaching ahead of other things that are very important to me, one of them being family and almost started to begin taking it for granted that I could just lock myself away every evening and spend time working on podcasts or coaching or a reel for Instagram without there being consequences. And although you know my wife has the patience of a saint, she's absolutely amazing and she's fully supported me. That was time before I started the podcast that I'd be sat with her spending time, you know, with her in the evening, and so having to sometimes look back and go, okay, what is really important to me? If the podcast stopped tomorrow, you know what would be the the impact there? From podcast perspective, there would probably be not a huge impact, but if I continue to neglect my family or not have them as a higher priority. The impact that that could have to my relationship with my children, with my wife, is huge and if I had to choose between the two, it's an easy choice to make.
Speaker 3:I love podcasts, but my family come first and realizing that and then thinking, okay, adjust accordingly. You know, if that's really where your beliefs and your values lie, it has to reflect in the time that you spend, the things that you do. So these kind of challenges they've they've been difficult to navigate. There's been some difficult conversations to have. I've felt you know sometimes that it's not I don't get to do what I want all the time, but realizing that actually I get to do a lot of what I want a lot of the time, but there are other things for other people that I'm committed to helping and doing as well. So the balance for me has been the struggle the biggest struggle, I think and the consistency knowing that there's that pressure that I created and pressure I created for myself that every Monday I have to get an episode out, and the work that goes into being able to achieve that.
Speaker 2:So there are challenges and sometimes I feel like I'm going to fail, but it's about again breaking it down, stopping, realizing what is the real impact here and just adjusting accordingly and realizing you can still go forward, maybe just not as fast as you're planning to you know, what I'm hearing is that, that harmony, I think, between, yeah, knowing when you've got that time, effort and energy to put into the family or to the podcast, or to relationships or whatever it might be, and being able to flow with that, rather than sticking strictly to what you'd anticipated In terms of any advice that you might give to people out there who are considering starting a podcast or just starting on their journey. What might be a couple of things that you might offer them as they begin this journey?
Speaker 3:I think, focusing on the podcast specifically, I think it's such a great platform to share your thoughts. I think it's you can do anything with it and you know there's nobody to say you can do anything with it and you know there's nobody to say you can't speak about certain things. I think there are probably laws that prevent you from talking about certain things.
Speaker 3:I've not tried it yet. It'd be interesting to challenge it, but you've pretty much got free reign and this is what I love about podcasts you can find a podcast on almost any topic. So I would say, in terms of advice, if you've got a dream or a passion or something you feel you want to share or talk about, don't compromise that for what you think should be shared. So if you, if you know you want to share or create a podcast about, I don don't know, a really taboo subject or something that feels difficult, that you may have been through mental health, for example, especially among men, because mental health for men is somewhat still of a bit of a taboo. It's something you know we shouldn't or necessarily talk about, which I think is absolute bullshit. And, having seen or listened to other podcasts in which they explore that, and knowing the benefit that can have for people, whatever your topic is whether it's something serious like mental health. If it's about, I don't know, cooking, it could be about anything.
Speaker 3:Really, choose what you want to talk about and go for it. It doesn't matter if you don't think it's going to be popular. It doesn't matter if you know it think it's going to be popular. It doesn't matter if you know it's not a massively talked about topic. If that's what you're passionate about, if that's what you want to do, bloody go for it, because your people will find you and if that's something you're interested in, you can guarantee there'll be other people who even need to hear it, will get something from it or can learn from it, and I think that's one of the biggest powers. So I'd say, stay true to yourself, go for it, keep it simple, don't overthink it and and just record your first episode, because I I don't know if I have got any better over the last 150 years.
Speaker 3:I bloody hope so little you'd like to think so, mate I think, you're just being humble there, but I don't know like I always think about when I go temping bowling.
Speaker 2:My first game's always the best, and it's just a decline after that, so maybe I'm getting worse.
Speaker 3:but I don't think that's the case, but I would not have got to this stage or had confidence to release an episode if I'd have let my fear about releasing episode number one stand in my way. And I think it's something we probably all experience. Is that fear of, or will anyone listen, or will someone complain or not, or will I be judged? And it goes back to, you know, the instinctive, the fear that we have for survival. You know, will I be cast out and left on my own on a rock to die? I'm still here and I've had an incredible journey. There's there's people who have really benefited from me doing the podcast and really I'm just talking with other people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it can impact somebody's life, so don't underestimate just how powerful your message is yeah, I think I think if I was going to tag one thing on to a bit of advice for somebody starting out is almost to to make a commitment and a date and have somebody help you stick to that. In terms of accountability, just to nudge you along because you're right, it can feel impossible in terms of, yeah, the judgment we put on ourselves before it's even out there on the airwaves absolutely.
Speaker 3:I think yeah, to that point committing, because you'll find 100 reasons why you shouldn't release a podcast episode. Well, you're, you're not to get started, but you don't know what technology to use, you don't know what you're going to say. Again, if you identify with yourself, exactly the message you want to share and just speak, naturally that's your podcast, that is it right there, and you could probably surprise yourself. But by having that time constraint, telling somebody a bit of accountability, it's definitely beneficial, because otherwise you could just keep kicking it down the road and it's one of these things that you want to do, but that fear prevents you from doing it.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, definitely, I agree with that have you ever received any criticism, or or yeah, haters, as it were, mate on from for your work or conversations, or?
Speaker 3:now I've been very fortunate. I can't even go as far to say that they're haters as such, but I did receive a a not very favorable review.
Speaker 3:I've had two things that stuck out in my mind when you said that.
Speaker 3:The first one was an email I received from a lady saying that my, my podcast seemed to only focus on middle-aged white women and that there wasn't enough um cultural awareness there. But I should, you know, be looking to different um ethnic minorities, different people from different cultures, and and that's something that she felt was important because, as a and I think she was African-American and she said, you know, my podcast wasn't really speaking to her and first of all, I was like, oh, she thinks I'm a massive racist, and the truth is, but I I'd never considered, oh, maybe I should have more black people on my podcast, or maybe I need to have people from here or different religions. I'd never really thought about it. I think that I just I'd stuck within my comfort zone of what I knew, or people I knew, and that that just gravitated to a certain direction. So that was one, and the other one was a review that I got which I think was only three out of five stars, which was massively disappointing how dare they?
Speaker 3:no, it was a bit like that and basically they said that my podcast was repetitive and only talked about weight watchers, whereas there's lots of different methods for losing weight, there's lots of different people succeeding in different ways, and so it got very repetitive and for that reason they stopped listening. I originally, the first of all, I was kind of like that's not true, got very defensive, like that's not true. I've got lots of different episodes, but then tried to see it as an opportunity and so thought, okay, how do I add more variety? What can I do? Because these two pieces of negative feedback were actually, you know, you could say, linked, that there wasn't enough diversity in my podcast.
Speaker 3:Now, two things here, if I can. First of all, I don't have to change it. I could continue doing exactly what I wanted, because if that's what I felt was important, if that was my message, if that was what I enjoyed doing and who I wanted to interview my podcast, you know I can choose. On the other side of it, from a, I would say, a growth mindset perspective, it was okay. Maybe there's an opportunity to help to help, sorry. Maybe there's an opportunity to help to help, sorry. Maybe there's an opportunity to help even more people, and if that means being more diverse in my podcast and that would help to reach more people, then maybe it's a great idea.
Speaker 3:So, rather than being defensive you know, it took me a couple of days to get over myself I realized, okay, maybe I can start looking at different cultures or different methods and really expanding on that as a way to help me, and I think it has. You know, I've definitely focused last year on having different methods of weight loss. I've had people from different backgrounds and that's been really interesting. I've learned a lot as well, but I probably had to go closer to my comfort the edge of my comfort zone in order to approach those people, because I was entering places where I wasn't so knowledgeable. And I've learned a lot as well, but I probably had to go closer to the edge of my comfort zone in order to approach those people because I was entering places where I wasn't so knowledgeable. So that was good for me as well. So, yeah, it's a journey.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, definitely. And have you noticed an increase then in either? Not that it's all about statistics, but in the statistics, since you've opened up in terms of diversity or other methods, mate, um, so, I mean I'd loved, I'd love to say, yeah, I've, you know, 10x to my listeners, but it's not true.
Speaker 3:So my, my podcast downloads, which is a statistic I'm becoming less and less, uh, concerned about as time goes on. Maybe because it isn't growing, I've kind of stopped caring about it.
Speaker 3:No, but the truth is that, although it hasn't directly, I think, created an increase in listeners. When I look at where those people are from, before it was very much. You know, 85 to 90 percent of my listeners were from the UK, female aged 30 to 45, whereas now that percentage from the UK listeners has dropped to maybe like 60 percent, and there's more people listening from the US, which was an area you know, a geography I'd not even targeted or thought about, but just by interviewing more people from different cultures it seems to have had that impact and kind of like spread the net. A geography I'd not even targeted or thought about, but just by interviewing more people from different cultures it seems to have had that impact and kind of like spread the net a bit more. So that's had a positive impact. I'm happy about that.
Speaker 3:And again though and another piece of advice if you're starting a podcast, it's very easy to get wrapped up in these statistics, and I am a absolute classic example of this. I was checking every five minutes when I released my first episode has anyone else listened? Has anyone else listened? And it doesn't help you, because you're kind of making a judgment against, or a comparison against, other people who have completely different sets of rules, lives, opportunities, weaknesses, so many things. But again, focus on your message, find your people and enjoy doing it. And that for me, I've learned to realize, is the success. It doesn't matter how many people listen, I think. For me it's how many people you help.
Speaker 2:Yeah, great advice there. Something you've mentioned a couple of times is is mental health, and so I thought it'd be interesting to just quickly dip our toe into that um and it is funny because I don't usually put those two words together um, which is maybe because that's leaning into the, the edge of my comfort there, and I'm just curious. I'll give this some thought, the words that I use when I talk about that. But yeah, what would be the message to maybe your younger self then, carl, or a different version of you, in terms of your own mental health, your challenges, your struggles and where you go to for support when it is challenging?
Speaker 3:It's interesting, first of all, that you mentioned the fact mental health aren't two words that you would generally use and I really wish there was another way. I mean there may be, but when I'm doing coaching or talking about a podcast, we talk about transformation, we talk about improvement and it seems to be focused on physical health and nobody really has any problems or kind of like awkwardness talking about physical health. But then if we're not talking about physical health and we're talking about personal development, we're talking about relationship to self-belief, confidence, self-esteem. To differentiate and say, okay, that's not physical health, it kind of by default goes okay, that's mental health, and that's why I've used it, and I've actually probably used it more on this podcast with you today than I do. I always try and look for an alternative and I think that's because for me personally, mental health seems to just have a negative connotation.
Speaker 3:When people talk about mental health, it's talking about people who are suffering or are looking to improve in some way, and so but going back to your question, like my younger self, I think, looking back, I would have said to myself that really decide what happiness is really, try to understand what makes you happy, because as I look back, I realize I wasn't as happy as I thought I was at the time. And going out with my mates, drinking Thursday through to Sunday, not really looking after my health, sleeping very little little so that I could stay up later All of these things, I think, have a real impact on emotionally how I was turning up for myself, how I turned up for other relationships that I had and thinking that substance abuse you know, drinking, smoking, whatever it was was making me happy because it was a good laugh and, don't get me wrong, had many, many nights out, weekends away, holidays with my friends were amazing. But I think it come at a cost and this is something I've been learning as I've been getting older that true happiness is something much deeper. But you have to kind of get to know yourself as you are or really identify the things that are important in your life and challenging them. Is that really important? You know, if that was taken away from you, how would you feel? Or if you had to choose between this or something else, which would you choose? And that's the kind of thing I've been doing.
Speaker 3:You know a lot of inward work in terms of what is important to me, what really makes me happy. What is happiness? Just in my essence? And by being willing to look at that and ask those questions and, most importantly, find answers. Because quite often we do that we'll ask for questions but we just kind of poodle along without really thinking about the answer or actually giving it the space and time it needs. So just by answering some of those questions or digging deeper into things, I think gives you the opportunity to really find happiness. And there are things I kind of wish I had done earlier, because I think I would have found that happiness a bit earlier.
Speaker 2:And so, whilst you, whilst you say that, then, and what? What is happiness to you in this moment?
Speaker 3:right now, it's getting to spend as much time as possible and I feel must get emotional just thinking about it spending time with my, my children my Right now it's getting to spend as much time as possible Like I feel myself getting emotional just thinking about it Spending time with my children, my wife, because they're young boys, they're 10 and 8. And something that I've realised, and it's becoming more and more apparent, is that they're not little kids anymore and soon they won't be young boys anymore and that will be gone, that that time will be gone and there's. You know, relationships and family are something for me I value more and more as I get older, because I'm starting to realize that I too, in the same way, if I look at the elder members of my family who will be gone at some point in the future, that will be me soon, and I'm kind of seeing myself getting slowly higher and higher to the oldest member of the family and you know I'm very lucky, I've still got a nanny who's nearly 92, but she'll be gone soon. And then you know parents. If you go in chronological order of what should happen, then parents, parents, and then it's me, and then I'm done.
Speaker 3:So realizing that you don't have forever for me is actually, rather than being scared of that, has helped me to find happiness, because it's really made me realize that we only have a finite amount of time here.
Speaker 3:Things move very quickly and although I think once you reach adulthood it's very easy sometimes to let the years pass without feeling any kind of significant changes are happening to you, since having children and looking at the development and changes in them year after year I mean the changes they have month after month and kind of almost grieving that loss of them being babies or toddlers, has really helped me to appreciate what I have now in this moment, and that makes me happy. It makes me happy because I really feel like I'm getting the most out of my life right now, rather than looking too far ahead or too far behind. It's like what do I want to happen today? What's going to really, you know, allow me to go to bed at night smiling, and so for me that is happiness, you know, appreciating what I have around me yeah, and for me I've been really similar to you.
Speaker 3:I think a couple of things you said really resonated there and I think for me it's along the lines of being present to what I've got around me and experiencing because for personally it's not always happiness or joyful, but the more I learn about myself, I can observe those things you know and experience them, rather than sometimes be caught in them or try and make them mean something positive, or try and overplay it or underplay it, if that makes sense makes perfect sense, and we had a conversation actually roma, um, I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was talking about don't don't make it mean something and you shared something with me, an experience with with one of your children about just just being present in that moment and enjoying it, not hyping it up to be something else or and it might I want to say it was around christmas time, because this was quite a significant one for me like christmas oh you know, it's christmas, so you have to do these decorations and you have to eat this and you have to buy these presents.
Speaker 3:And it's not true at all. Like just being in that moment, taking a moment to appreciate what you have around you, and and just being present, like, instead, of, what do I need right in this moment, what do my children need? And that's something that I've realized that can actually give me happiness, rather than thinking what do I need to be happy, it's what do the people I really care about and love need right now, and by offering myself to them, I find is more fulfilling.
Speaker 2:I'm going to misquote it, but my kids have got a book. Um, it's a Catalan book and the title in English is when I'm hold older, I want to be happy, and the first few pages are like instructions almost of how to use the book, firstly for adults and then for the kids, and it says something along that like lines happiness isn't when we've got everything we want and is going our way. It's recognizing that which we already have now and being grateful for that, or something along those lines. I'm misquoting it, probably, but yeah, which.
Speaker 2:Which is what comes to me as you say that, and also while you're speaking there a while ago, carl, in terms about mental health, I think, then, for me, I think you're right is the negative connotations around, or the taboo around that, those topics. So the way that I would say that I'm, I'm yeah, or I'm challenged with my mental health, instead of saying that I, just just because this comes to me to share, would be would say I'm struggling, I'm feeling really challenged, or I'm caught inside my home head, or even emotional, really quite emotional. Um, yeah, I just thought. I thought I'd put that out. There different ways of saying the same thing.
Speaker 3:I like that, and I think it's more specific because at the same time, you say something like mental health it could be so many different things or nothing, and depending on the person you're speaking to, it means something completely different for them as well, whereas if you, if you really first of all identify what that emotion is or how you're feeling, it makes it easier to express but also makes it easier for you to kind of process it and feel better if you need to. You know if you are struggling or you're feeling emotional, you're feeling sad, tired, upset, whatever that could be, rather than I guess just labeling that up, that's my mental health, looking at and say, okay, why do I feel like this? What do I need right now so to kind of feel better.
Speaker 2:so, yeah, it's an interesting one because I think it's something we we're encouraged to talk more about, but without the instruction book yeah, definitely, yeah, yeah, and there's something coming for me to share around that as well is that, yeah, the allowing, the allowing of it, you know. So, talking to somebody, especially to be able to like, just like you alluded to there, to express that almost like turns the volume down on it, rather than having to go to a certain type of behavior some which might be celebrated training, working, others might be criticized in terms of drugs, alcohol, whatever it might be to numb, it is to find another way of releasing that, because so many of us are not taught that we don't get the tools to. It can be incredibly uncomfortable as as adults, to to start opening those floodgates, which is it isn't always the case at all. Um, but yeah, yeah, I just thought I'd share that, mate. It's just um, cause it's it's quite interesting to talk around these topics while, whilst we've got the opportunity, given that you've mentioned it, given it's something that I avoided.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it is curious, eh, because it's something that I avoided. Yeah, it is curious because it's something we all experience for different reasons, at different levels, but yet for so many of us it's so difficult to talk about because of our fear of judgment talking of levels, mate, there's a mate of mine who's got a saying that there's a devil on every level.
Speaker 2:Have you ever heard of this expression? I think the actual quote.
Speaker 3:Sorry to be a dick about it, but there's a devil on every level. Have you ever heard of this expression? I think? The actual quote sorry to be a dick about it, but there's a devil at every level. Okay, so what did I?
Speaker 3:say there's a devil on every level. I think just a small thing technicality, but that is a quote I've heard and I mean I wish I knew the person who originally said it to, to find out exactly what context it meant there. But I guess the devil at every level is no matter where you are or how far you come, there's always going to be that thing, that that change. What do you think about that phrase, that quote?
Speaker 2:Do you know why? I started that off as a joke, but I really think that is a. It is life. A hundred, uh, wherever we are on our journey, whatever level, um, it's not. If challenge happens, it is when, and for different people that looks like different things. But yeah, 100 I do make. It's not. It's not not happy, go lucky, everything's perfect. It's a. It's a case of finding the support network, learning about ourself and and and learning to manage our responses to to the waves that life throw at us, because and I also think as well on that and I say it's a bit of an in joke we have about the devil at every level.
Speaker 3:but the fact that if you ahead of time understand oh you know, nothing can touch me. It can be quite difficult to overcome challenges or obstacles when they come if you don't expect them or you don't want to admit that there are going to be some. But knowing that any kind of growth that you have, there's going to be that boundary that one day you're going to have to cross, I think when it comes closer, when you arrive at it, and if you've looked at all the other barriers you've crossed to get to where you are today, which we often lose sight of, you can then feel encouraged to try a bit harder to do it. Because, like I say, at every level there is that devil, the thing that makes it too much for you to do.
Speaker 2:But if you've been able to get through those devils at previous levels, there's nothing to say that you can't get through this next one 100%, buddy, 100%, and I think that's quite a fitting way to start to round up there, kyle, where could people find out a bit more about yourself or your podcast, buddy?
Speaker 3:so I'm still probably most active on instagram in terms of seeing what I'm about, seeing what I do. If you're interested in coaching or weight loss, I think weight loss warrior podcast is my instagram handle. That's probably the best place because from there you can dip into the podcast. You can dip into coaching my membership site as well. So come and follow me on Instagram, send me a message, say hello. I love talking to people is what you know, one of the reasons I enjoy doing the podcast so much and if I can help you in any way, if you're listening to this, be it through weight loss or mindset, whatever it might be, I'd love to have a conversation.
Speaker 2:Awesome. And finally, anything that I've not asked you about that you'd like to mention, or or one last thing to to round this conversation off me.
Speaker 3:Um, actually, yeah, and I was. I was questioning just then whether or not I'm going to say this or not. I am going to say this because it's at risk of making you feel uncomfortable, but I just want to say thank you to you for your friendship, for the guidance that you give to me and so many people, I think, quite often without perhaps knowing it, or perhaps you do, but you're just very humble and modest. But thank you for encouraging me when I have struggled and I have found those devils at levels, because I think it's really helped me to move forward. And I see the work you do with other people, listen to episodes on your podcast and you're really, quite selfishly, helping a lot of people.
Speaker 2:So thanks for that, mate no worries, buddy, my absolute pleasure and I completely received that. Thank you. Um, I'm straight back at you. Thank you for your help and support and the work you do, mate.
Speaker 3:So I think it's a projection definitely of the what you're doing and for those snacks on the walk and the merry berry christmas slices I couldn't stay serious, I had to deflect it somehow love it.
Speaker 2:Brilliant listen, carl, thanks. Thanks again for taking the time to speak to us today, mate. I genuinely thanks for your support literally in as as a friend, but also technically in terms of getting things up and running in my own podcast journey as well. Um, I look forward to speaking to you guys soon, pal.
Speaker 3:Thank you thank you very much, appreciate it.