Forging Resilience
Join us as we explore experiences and stories to help gain fresh insights into the art of resilience and the true meaning of success.
Whether you're seeking to overcome personal challenges, enhance your leadership skills, or simply navigate life's twists and turns, "Forging Resilience" offers a unique and inspiring perspective for you to apply in your own life.
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Forging Resilience
53 Tom Burgess: "I've been an alcoholic since I picked up my first drink..."
Join us for an enlightening episode where Tom Burgess, from Save a Warrior UK, shares his personal journey through trauma and emotional healing. Tom's experiences as a veteran guide listeners through the often-overlooked landscapes of vulnerability and the strength required to confront one's own pain.
He unpacks the heavy weight of denial and the societal stigma surrounding masculinity, which often leads to deep feelings of worthlessness. As he candidly discusses his battles with alcohol and the road to sobriety, Tom offers profound wisdom on understanding addiction as a symptom rather than a standalone issue.
This engaging conversation highlights the transformative power of compassion—both for oneself and in the wider community. Tom emphasizes that embracing our emotions can serve as a catalyst to deeper connections, urging listeners to reflect on their journeys and seek support when needed.
Be inspired by Tom's journey and learn how compassion, vulnerability, and connection can change lives.
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Welcome to Forging Resilience, exploring for a different perspective on strength and leadership. Join me as we discuss experiences and stories with guests to help gain fresh insights around challenge, success and leadership. Today, on Forging Resilience, we're joined by Tom Burgess. Tom is currently building, delivering and steering Save a Warrior UK, which is a life-saving peer-led suicide prevention program helping veterans and first responders overcome post-traumatic stress and adverse childhood trauma experiences. Tom mate, it's an absolute pleasure to be sat opposite you on the screen today. Thanks for being here.
Speaker 2:It's good to see you, mate, and thanks for the invitation.
Speaker 1:No worries, it's my absolute pleasure. Yeah, I had the pleasure of attending one of your cohorts, your events, with the aim of learning about myself, and that I did, and it was a life-changing experience yet again to have my story laid out in front of me and get once again to separate myself from so many small elements of my story which was gently holding me back, although life was normal. So to to get to interview mate and and listen to a bit of your story is going to be incredibly valuable for listeners. So run us through, tom, what's relevant for your story, buddy.
Speaker 2:I watched you, I was there with you for those 72 hours and, you know, the guy that walked in was not the guy that walked out and I can say that for myself because I attended the program for me back in July of 2023. And under the story that I was going over for a recce to bring it back to the UK with the help of Adam Gornel, and walking in the front door, as it were, the gates of Warrior Village in Ohio, then realising actually there's a lot that I need to work through myself and that was the reason why I was there for my life. I mean, where do you start? Really, there's a story that led me to those gates. You know, I'm going for a recce to bring it to the UK.
Speaker 2:I knew that there was something that, um, that happened, um, and there was a heavy, heavy weight of denial like I couldn't. I couldn't verbalize what that thing was to look, because to speak out loud made it real again and um, so I just stuffed it down, uh, for the longest time of my life, and it didn't happen. You know, just running that trail of life and denying it ever happened. But it's not been a terrible life. I'll say that there have been a couple of peak moments of you know. That's pretty awful, but in general, I've led a great life up to now with some fantastic people and a beautiful wife to accompany me on this next leg of life as well. So, yeah, I'm incredibly grateful for every single second I've had, the good and the bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, love it, mate. So well, if I'm right in understanding, when you went to Idaho Idaho, was it sorry, ohio, ohio, sorry, idaho, was it Sorry, ohio, ohio, sorry. I heard that that you didn't really think you were there for you. It's more about taking the concept understanding it and bringing it back.
Speaker 2:That's what I was telling myself. Okay, so one one of the. If someone was to ask you what saber warrior is, um, for me personally it's getting men honest, um, and for that that's absolutely what it did for me. It got me honest about the? Um, the stories I'd been telling myself in my life to just be able to be with daily life and justify who I was or thought I was as a man. You know what does that mean? It means that I was already in awareness that Adam and I we wanted to bring Sable Warrior to the UK and that's how I got introduced to Adam in the first place. He laid on a webinar he's the ambassador for SOAR in the US Laid on a webinar in the UK. I saw that webinar and that was it.
Speaker 2:Our trajectories then matched and have led to this point here. Originally I was the marketing guy. I was going to take some pictures for Adam's podcast and so on and so forth. But the more and more I learned about SOAR, the more and more I became closer to this pathway that Adam was bringing to me. I realised actually there's a lot of this that kind of makes sense.
Speaker 2:Giving the game away.
Speaker 2:He showed me, here is this thing and it's stable warrior and suicide prevention, and he gave me just enough to keep the curiosity and the movement towards it, but he didn't give the game away once.
Speaker 2:So, and that there, I think, added to the power of that first five minutes of me walking through the door. Because if I'd have known and knowing what you know about the flutter and leading up to that, that threshold moment, if you knew what was on the other side, that the delivery wouldn't have been as powerful, you know. So I walked into the doorway and it's almost like I felt this gentle hand on my shoulder and I've got you. You know, you're right, you're in the right place, this is exactly where you need to be Right now is where we're going to deal with that that thing. And that's when the tubes turned on and I, I absolutely lost control of the, the control valve of crying. It just came out like non-stop tears just flowing out. And whilst it wasn't like non-stop tears just flowing out and whilst it wasn't like hysterical tears, uncontrollable, they, it was just flowing and I was able to hold that conversation and be with that, and I.
Speaker 2:I knew that I was in good company. You know, boys don't cry, you know, etc. Etc. You know you're, you're a man, you don't cry all of these social norms or expected things a man should be. I was in in company of, you know, nearly 20 other people in that room and I wasn't the only one. Like the, even the instructors were just showing that. They were showing us, me a part of me anyway that hadn't been able to be there ever because he'd been stuffed away showing me how to be okay with that level of emotion and not be finger-wagged or told you know, you shouldn't be doing that. That's not what big boys do. So it was a powerful, powerful moment.
Speaker 2:And my trip over, you know, to the US, the US it wasn't just driving to Bedfordshire, there was a lot of time for me to sit there and think and I had a notebook and I was like, okay, I need to remember the props and all of this. And I was so involved in my own life. I was so involved in my own life and denial that I absolutely knew that's what's going on. And I put a LinkedIn video and I'm not taking it down because it's part of the journey, it's part of the fingerprint of my movement through. And I'm there and I'm saying the words and I'm on a recce, I'm going to bring this thing back. And I'm like, oh, I've got to get the likes, I've got to build up this audience, da-da-da-da-da, wow. How much of a slap in the face reality was for me at that exact moment when Jake Clark, in his best English accent, goes buddy, this is not going to go your way.
Speaker 1:And I'm like oh.
Speaker 2:That's it. You got me. But, um and I, I'd never listened. I've never listened to anything, not in all the patrols, all the orders, all of the things, all of the you know important things in life. I've never listened to anything as intently as that 72-hour container, word for word. It all went in and for the first time, it felt like in the first time of my life, I shut this and I opened these and I took a few notes, but it just landed every single word notes, but it just landed every single word. And when there was a conversation going on between two people over there, you know, I didn't interrupt, I didn't ask questions, I wasn't curious, I just listened and I put me into that place, I put me in the pathway of that conversation and made it mean something for me and took me away from that and I connected the dots in the wisdom that was being passed between two people over there. That sounds familiar. Okay, that happened, yeah, to you yeah, love it, mate.
Speaker 1:I think there's so many things there, tom. There's so many things. I think the first thing I'd, having gone through the experience, what I'd, what came up for me was you had denial, I don't need to be here because I'm not suicidal, which I'm not, never have been. However, adam and yourself have got a wisdom about you to know that it's not just about that. There's so much power in learning about ourselves in different scenarios. And, yeah, I 100 didn't want to be there, um, but, yeah, I know my calling was to be there in that moment.
Speaker 1:Um, something you told me on our first call was that, yeah, doing it for these lads and their kids and their kids' kids, and that brought me to tears and, I must say, when I walked across the threshold, I couldn't stop shaking or sweating. I knew full well what was coming and I didn't want to look, and I even spoke about that. I don't want to be the first one. I'll be the first one, but I don't want to be um, yeah, yeah. So it's interesting how we've all got different experiences there. Um, but, mate, you said something about this the stories that you're telling yourself about you, they're just being stuffed down. What were some of those stories and what led you to create those, or at least share part of what led you to create those stories.
Speaker 2:I've always felt worthless.
Speaker 2:I've never valued my life I've never felt like I fitted in, I belonged, never felt listened to, I didn't feel seen. I always felt like I was on the peripheral of conversation, things, parties Me too, things, parties, me too. You know, I just didn't feel like I clicked into the puzzle of life. You know, my piece was just a bit nerdy around the edges and it didn't fit. It had to be rammed. I felt like I had to ram myself in there to be and it didn't fit, it had to be rammed. I felt like I had to ram myself in there to be and some of those stories sounded like being the life and soul of the party, who was the first to get drunk but the last to leave the dance floor. You know, and I would always be the one trying to lubricate the party, to get people, um, into a good place, the feeder um to. You know, kind of bring the party alive, like get it, get a party going, and it was great and fun. Party alive, like get it, get a party going and it was great and fun. 18, 19, 20, 21 years old, that's great. But when you're doing it as a 32, 33, 34 year old guy, who it's now no longer a social drinking habit. It's it's a habit, it's an addiction to maybe not so much the liquid that I'm ingesting, but that I need to be. I cannot go out and do that without having done that. It's the process of getting blind drunk Early on. That was the thing that I felt like I needed to do.
Speaker 2:I'm an alcoholic. I have been an alcoholic since the very first drink I picked up and that's something that, through going to meetings and having conversations in the anonymous space, I now know that I have an allergy to alcohol. But I know that through my learning, through Saul. That's not the thing you know. That's a symptom of, or that's one area of this, this movement around a process that um and I hate the word coping mechanism, but it became a, a mechanism in which I could escape away from the thing that was that was always one step behind me, following me through, like I.
Speaker 2:I had to be drunk to be the life and soul of the party because I didn't want people to, from the thing that was always one step behind me, following me through. I had to be drunk to be the life and soul of the party because I didn't want people to see the scared, lonely, bullied, inadequate feeling of little Tom that had been there following me all along and observing all of that going on, following me all along and observing all of that going on. And that feeling of those feelings were justified because, you know, in childhood I was bullied, I was cast aside. I was never picked for the football team. I was beaten up. I did have feces rubbed over my blazer. I was punched, I was kicked, I was chased. I did have faeces rubbed over my blazer. I was punched, I was kicked, I was chased. I did have my stuff stolen. I was told I was worthless. All of that, and when that happens enough, you tend to start to believe it. And that followed me.
Speaker 2:So I made the decision to join the military. I'm going to join the military, I'm going to make something of myself, I'm going to prove them wrong. It kind of just followed me in because guess what? It was, how I was being. That was kind of causing all of this stuff to happen in the first place. And the military gave me full permission to go out on a Tuesday night at Sailor's Nightclub in Yuki and get wrecked, because that's what everyone else was doing. So I fitted into that really well and my addiction that I already had followed me in and it just seed in the ground watered with vodka, red Bull, and it just grew into what it is now. But I've been sober for I think two and a half years. I've lost count on the days. I'm not counting anymore. It's not a thing. I'll never drink again because I don't need to be that guy.
Speaker 1:Don't need to be that guy anymore I'm very curious, tom, around your use of language of I'm an alcoholic. Could you explain that to me? For because for me it sounds like you were and you've not touched a drop, which would, for my ignorance, indicate that you are no longer. But I'm curious your your choice of words there, mate.
Speaker 2:Yeah um, which is a really good look and something that came very much bubbling up to a surface in the Christmas that we've just been through, 2024. Because I was like I'm good, I haven't got a problem with alcohol, I can have a zero Guinness. I'd even tried that zero percent wine. I was like, okay, I'm, I'm good, I don't have this need to keep drinking it, I don't, I'm not chasing that high, that feeling. I could have a glass of champagne at new year's eve. I could have champagne, glass champagne with christmas dinner. And I had this internal conversation with the guy, my internal voices we all have them, by the way, it's not just me and I caught myself hang on a minute you quit drinking because you couldn't stop drinking.
Speaker 2:What makes you think you're different now? What's changed? And apart from you just being away from it for a period of time?
Speaker 1:You know the word alcoholic.
Speaker 2:It's almost like a lifelong association and a stamp, you know, and that's because I have an allergy to alcohol and that sounds a really weird thing. It's kind of hard for me to explain, but I've got a tolerance to it that I can keep drinking and at the height of my drinking career it just wasn't having any effect on me. I was drunk but I could hold a conversation, I could move, I could walk, I could work, I could drive, I could operate machinery. I was drunk but I could operate machinery. I was drunk but I could. It doesn't make any of that right and that's the danger element of it with me. I have that awareness of that now.
Speaker 2:So Christmas Day I'm with family in South London and a family member was there and he says oh, I've got a meeting at seven. I went on Christmas Day, what are you doing? He said, oh, it's AA, I'm going to an AA meeting. And I was like wow, I knew he'd quit drinking and I knew he went to these meetings. I was like, mate, can I do you mind if I come? I'm, I'm dealing with something right now. Um, I'm going through something and I think it'd just be a really positive thing for me to just affirm and say I'm stepping away from that fully. By this point. It's two, two and a half years I've been sober. So I walked into my first AA meeting on Christmas day 2024, having been sober for over two years, kind of feeling like a little bit of a fraud, but knowing I was in the right place, I was.
Speaker 2:If I had started drinking socially there, it might have been great over Christmas. It might have even been great for my birthday in mid-January. But around about now I would have definitely have drunk at least every day or every other day. A bottle of wine could have crept into the thing and I would have woken up hungover, shameful Deny. It.
Speaker 2:Don't worry, it's okay, you're not that bad yet. You're not hiding booze yet. You're not lying about it. You're not driving from London to Hampshire to come home. You're not stopping at the off license two minutes out from home to get a bottle of wine and a couple of beers to then walk in the house with a bottle of beer to disguise that, that smell. You know you're not lying, you're not there yet. But that's the start. If you don't want to get drunk, don't have the first drink. It's not the 13th one that gets you, it's the first one. So I now have to have that level of awareness that if I have one drink, it's the okay, we're back to zero, we're starting again and it genuinely isn't a thing for me anymore. Okay, we're back to zero.
Speaker 1:This is, we're starting again and it's it genuinely isn't above a thing for me anymore, but I have to have that level of awareness of it. So did you learn that on christmas day 2024 at seven o'clock in that aa meeting?
Speaker 2:through a group setting and an open share of vulnerability from a man I've known some time because he's now a family connection. I married into the language that was used and thrown around that room was the first time I'd heard that language or those words in that order. You know Allergy to alcohol. I don't really get that. I'll lean in An allergy to it. And then I asked him at the end I said mate, I don't understand the terminology on that, what do you mean? He goes have you got the blue book, man?
Speaker 1:no idea what's that?
Speaker 2:and he went and grabbed one and said it's a tenner, you know, do you want it? I was like, of course I did bang, and I've been reading this book two or three pages a day. I'm on my second pass of it now and it explains it really well. But on that exact day, on christmas day, there was an, a transformation of awareness that I didn't have beforehand, and whilst it was a success and a bloody miracle that I've made it that far sober, I now went okay, I can never drink again. And this is why and learning that there on that day with those people and hearing their stories as well of this is my third time back in AA. I've been sober three months and I've been an alcoholic for about 10, 15 years and this is their third relapse recovery and I was doing really well.
Speaker 2:I was sober for two and a half years and one thing happened and I had one drink and that was it game over and I was just like that's where I'm at. I got that muscle memory, I got that strength. I'm okay, I'm resilient, I'm okay. I've got that muscle memory, I've got that strength, I'm okay, I'm resilient, I'm okay, I can have one. And I caught myself there. I knew I was coming into that bit. I'm comfortable now. It's all right, everything's going to be okay there, there, no. So I'm incredibly grateful and fortunate and um, that I could go into that room with a, that guy, um, thank you, um. And b found a new community that I meet with every wednesday and I'll go. I go to my local meeting here in Farrow.
Speaker 1:Sounds like quite the Christmas gift buddy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it didn't have to wrap it and he made me pay for it as well, but it was a good gift and you know he's a good guy. I'm in awe of his journey to where he is now. So well done, mate.
Speaker 1:What would you consider as one of the most important things that you've learned, or the grounding factor for yourself, since you've learned to face those stories and process all those things that you have been able to process?
Speaker 2:Tom, Can you repackage that one for me?
Speaker 1:Yeah, how did we get there? Maybe I'll start with a little story and I'm going to kind of lead you into it, but it's half of what we decided. One of the pillars is going to be on this conversation is so let's talk about something that happened to me just last night with my daughter and this isn't the first time I've talked about this on this podcast. So, um, yeah, I'm as most people know, I'm a father of two. Um, I love my kids to bits and I learn so much through them. They. They show me parts of myself that I still need to allow and things I need to let go of, and when I don't, it comes up in the form of anger, which is really a fear of what people are going to think if my kids can't behave. Or how can I control them now, if they're only nine notice the words I'm using control they're only eight and nine. What's it going to be like when they're 15, 16, 19, 20, 25?
Speaker 1:So one of the biggest things that I've learned for myself and this got shown to me last night was the ability to be kind to myself, compassionate.
Speaker 1:Last night, whilst my daughter had the biggest meltdown I've ever seen her have, I could watch my reaction, that wanted to respond with compassion, and in turn, I was able just to be there next to her. It's almost bringing me to tears now, just to be there next to her. It's almost bringing me to tears now, just to be there next to her to let her go through her process. And I was waiting with compassion the other side of it, um so yeah. So for me, one of the most important things I've learned about myself is the ability to be kind, and I used to think I was so weak. Love, compassion, it's all bollocks, but for me it's really quite the opposite. So I'm curious in your process of change and in your journey, what was one of the the biggest thing? That that that you come back to, or that you hold close to you, or that you're reminded of in those moments of challenge or noise or drift?
Speaker 2:I in compassion. There I have learned to be more gentle with myself. One of the biggest, one of the, you know, the four maxims of the state of a warrior is to you know, you know, focus on your if you really want to do good for others. Focus on your own healing or worse to that effect. I'm still trying to get that, get the flow down right on the exact word, but I I'm more compassionate with myself. Around everything I do. I'm trying to. I say you don't try, because you only do what you don't, but I am being more awareness of softening and being gentle around my own internal monologue, around my own internal monologue, my thoughts, my feelings, my words, the way I move. I used to be quick, direct, move, purpose, efficient.
Speaker 2:It's more just a bit of a saunter now, uh, but uh, my, my, my wife, kate, you know, when we, when we bicker, when something happens, I'm I'm very quick to realize I maybe I wasn't as gentle as I could have been and maybe what's being presented here is not the thing. I see it as a pragmatic domino effect. Well, that's the first domino that went over. That's the problem, that's what we need to rectify. But there's been 10 dominoes that have gone over in that effect.
Speaker 2:And actually the thing that's most upset my, uh, my wife is domino four, where I've said something that was not nice, you know, not uh, not soft, not loving, not kind, not gentle, and and that's what she's upset, upset on. It's the first domino for me. So I have to have more awareness in that and I'm growing into it daily. Just in having this conversation now we're doing the work, I'm bringing that into. Okay, thanks for the lesson, mate, and thanks for the refresher, the revision period on where I want to be in life, the refresher, the revision period on where I want to be in life. But that compassionate piece was. I mean, the military is not a very compassionate environment, let's say that, you know, and what a weird place it would be if it was. I was just going to say that this could be.
Speaker 2:We could go down that river hall if you want, but yeah, sac Burgess, why are you crying, mate, like what, what, what's, what's happened? Oh, a rocket came in and it killed three of my mate and I'm really sad. Oh no, they're there, mate, there, there. Now that's what kind of the child adult, that compassionate thing. That's kind of all right, it's a little bit jovial True story, by the way A little bit jovial and a little bit sort of like tongue-in-cheek. But you know, that leader could have shown a little bit more compassionate and seen that someone wasn't coping very well with the thing that's just happened. A rocket landed. It killed three of my friends. I was.
Speaker 2:I came to the realization that only two weeks before I was in that bed space sleeping where the rocket landed, I was like fuck, I'm alive, I should be dead. I was going through so much. He didn't know that. He didn't know what was going on for me internally. And that's the dangerous thing in life. We bounce around as humans. We never know what's going on for someone inside the right head, right, and that's where the most damage can happen with the slightest work.
Speaker 2:And I remember every word he said. And he sent me to the billets to the accommodation to get me away from the other guys because he felt that how I was acting crying sad upset, crying sad upset, realising that this thing was happening Wasn't good for the men. You know, great for the military, not good for that little Tom that was right there. He's always been there. So compassion To weave that back onto where we are and what we're talking about here. I am more aware of that compassion and I start with me and I give myself permission to feel, to be who I am and not fit into the mould of what the zeitgeist and the people want me and walk into meetings with. You know the prep call we had on this whilst I'm driving I was going to meet someone that was a big player in this world of charity and fundraising and all of that, and I was like I wasn't being compassionate in my thoughts, I was like who am I?
Speaker 2:to be going into this room here and have that conversation with that guy. You, you're, you're just called like retired corporal tom, and I was giving myself some really good managerial talk, right, and he dropped a message at me, um, and a voice chat, and you had no idea that that's what I was going through internally that exact moment. But it landed and it caught me and I was like tubes on driving the car like well, thank you, thank you. Like. There you are again, um, and it just it reminded me to be to soften up and be more compassionate with myself. Right there, that exact moment, which, in that exact moment, is when I said this is what I think we should talk about. You know there's no coincidence there Compassion and I think through Save a Warrior, you know what people may think compassion looks like on the other side of our gate is we know it was hard, mate, like you know they're there, that you know yourself there's.
Speaker 2:There's none of that. There's no soothing, there's no comforting, there's no whole there. There's a hug, yes, but there's no. What you think might be on the other side of a suicide prevention programme. There's none of that. It's really compassion is letting someone go and letting them absolutely be, with whatever's coming up and that flood of emotion that's coming out. And I see that and it's not like a death stare, but just holding their gaze and letting them know that I'm witnessing this. You're in good company. That there was, you know, the first time I saw and felt that it was like I've got goosebumps now thinking about it.
Speaker 2:It's something that cannot really truly be accurately described in language, in words. It's something you've got to think, experience and feel and that's the special sauce right there, the secret sprinkling of flavour in the 12 ingredients, a special KFC recipe, whatever, but it's ruthlessly compassionate, say the warrior, and also some of the words that are spoken are not what the person wants to hear. It's what needs to be said and that's something big as well. And sometimes it doesn't land because there's this you can't say that to me, how dare you? Or not saying that's what's happened, but that's what could happen in the future, and I have awareness about that. So I need to have that awareness that that's a possibility in the future, and when that happens, I need to go.
Speaker 2:I've been here before in my brain, I've made this real in the past and this is how I think I should handle it and just witness what that is, coming back and reflect the leadership and the corporal that could have been that compassionate guy.
Speaker 2:And I'm kind of weaving in and out a timeline here, but just got to show how I feel the best. My declaration was leader, husband, father, leader, love, alright. My declarations and father, I think, comes into how I should be in that moment for that when it comes up in the future. And in doing that now I'm making that a real reality in my own head and if I keep thinking of being with it when it happens, I've already done the reps in my brain and it just it happened. I won't even have to think about it. You know, um, I think they call it quantum thinking, I don't know but and I'm going well out of my, my, my, uh comfort zone or conversation there, but I'm reading into it. Adam will tell you a lot more about that one or not but I've spoken to that boy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's a really interesting point there, tom. Again, so, Again. So many things to go into, but I think I'll say this first one, mainly because I don't want to. But yeah, I felt that father-like quality very early on. Hence the reason I pulled you aside and just hugged you, because that's what I felt I needed and that was coming from you. And in that moment, you know, so yeah, for me, and there's no coincidence that I learned a lot of things about myself and my childhood and my parents again. And, yeah, there's no doubt that little Ron in that moment needed a hug from what he felt was his father. So in that moment that was you, mate.
Speaker 2:I don't think I was ready for, I don't think I was ready for fatherhood priest, or I really don't think that. Uh, the actions, the way I was, uh, how I was interacting and reacting to, to things, environment, people, substance I wasn't fit to be father. I know that and I'm okay with that. And I also know that I, for many years, have been trying to become a father. Infertility is a word that's in and around my world and I've been incredibly struggled for the word on this one, but I should, why not? I've done everything right, don't you know how hard I've worked. I deserve this Right Sounds like a racket, feels like that one, certainly, because that veneer I was putting on and I'm ready for this. At exactly the same time, I'm hiding the fact that I'm secret drinking and lying and doing all this, and this stems back to my first marriage as well. Um, you know, for the longest time since 22 years, 22 years of age, I've been on this infertility path and trying to become a father. It's uh, it's a big thing, it really is. Uh, and my cohort in ohio, the first cohort saw, you know, guess what? You know, it's, it's for the men. If there's something for me coming out of this as well.
Speaker 2:You know, I, I look into those flames, I look into that and I have, I write that note and I do those things. I say those words because I've got to do this stuff as well. You, you know I'm a knight. There's no surprise why I'm in that room doing that work, because that's the life. I've lived up to that point and they are the lessons that I can impart over the life. I've lived up to that point and they are the lessons that I can impart over.
Speaker 2:So maybe, just maybe, he's got one hell of a plan, isn't he? Uh, I'm not a father, because maybe this is where I need to be. Try explaining that to someone that I'm, you know, partnered with in life. You know, I, I try explaining that to someone that I'm partnered with in life. I still desperately want to be a father and have my own child and raise my family. I have the awareness now to know that I can be compassionate, I can be loving, I can be softer, I can be more gentle and guiding to myself, which in turn, mirrors and reflects and shows my boy or girl in the future. That's how you should be, that's how you do it, instead of the opposite.
Speaker 1:There's a big part of me in terms of compassion that again resonated with what you've talked about there, tom, and the softening it's something you talked about right at the beginning as well, I found I find warm tears falling from my eyes a lot more frequently. Um, a girl that I know is an acupuncturist I think that's the way you say she does acupuncture. There you go, um. I did my first session a couple of months ago and that was a fascinating experience.
Speaker 1:I was led there with these needles in me, thinking am I even doing this right? What am I meant to feel? And then again I caught that and I can be compassionate to myself. It's fine, this is what it's meant to be for you Just focus on being present. And a few minutes later, when I did, boom on, came the waterworks and and I explained that to her, and and she said to me, looking me directly into the eyes and then into my soul, a bit like certain people I know, do um and said I'm not surprised, it's just the layers of your heart literally melting to reveal the, the heart which is what I'm hearing in your words and what you're explaining there the crust that we form to protect ourselves, just gently melting away.
Speaker 2:And I think the further down this path I'm, getting, the closer to the end of it, all the more and more comfortable. Well, the more and more tests and challenges I'm getting along the way. Okay, someone outside of SAW, who I hold quite um in in high regard um mentor, you can call it mentor and said that now you're doing his work, don't be surprised when the devil comes knocking um, and at the time I was like I don't get that. But thank you for the advice and I I get it. I get it now, um, because and it's not like the devil comes knocking to like completely blow things out of the water. It's um temptation is to to choose the easy route and, to you know, not go down that path, because you know that's the hard route, but there's more value in it, and it's not value for me per se, it's the value for everyone else. It's on that journey, you know, I have to. I have to be aware of the fact that this is good. It's. It's costing, um, it's costing um.
Speaker 2:Wow, here we go. There's there's a chuck free conversation going on here, right, um, there is a cost. I I pay it gladly. I pay it gladly because I get to um, witness. I pay it gladly because I get to witness transformation in others. That's a really hard thing to explain to your loved ones when it's costing them as well and I'm not talking about the financial piece and not having money or cars and all of that stuff. That's just material things. It's time. It is costing that time.
Speaker 2:I know I won't be doing this forever. This is a period, this is a block of time in this. Out of the 100% I have, this is probably 10% of it. I've already done 30% of it. This is a 10%. Right now I'm 40. I won't be doing it forever. I pay this block of time over, gladly, knowing that when we get it to a point where I can and Adam can step away completely and the shield's propped up by its own mechanics and the people in it, we go Adam, we did a thing. Look at that. Isn't that a beautiful thing. It's just moving forward on its own and it's completely self-lubricating. Men are coming in one side and women are coming in one side and they're coming out the other and then turning back in service to prop up this thing. We did that Wow.
Speaker 2:And at that point I'll just switch fire onto the next big task. What other problem is there that I can solve? What other problem is there that I can solve? Maybe the awareness is trying to do that now as quickly as possible. Get it to that position where it's financially stable. Men and women are now going through the gates and coming out the other side and that operational process is self-sustaining, as if I can get there as quickly as possible so that I don't have to be there. That's, that's the win.
Speaker 1:Um, it's having that awareness so if somebody was to be listening who wanted to support, so what? What sort of things would be valuable for you, mate um?
Speaker 2:there are. There are a number of things, uh, and the first thing I'll say is start, let's start a conversation. Just just learn about us, be with us. Um, this is it's, it's not. Yeah, pound coins are what the society now classes, as you know, a value. There are more things, there are things that are more valuable than that pound coin to us, and we are an organization that has to prop up people and support people and pay their way and buy things, items, I mean. These things cost money. So you can buy us coffee £3 coffee on a monthly subscription. If that's what it is, that's what it is.
Speaker 2:If that's what it is, that's what it is. Um, you can get your business to offset some tax and it comes to us. There's a mechanism for that. Um, you can, you can signpost people to us that need our help, like that's. That's it. The more people that come through the gates, the more people then can come back in service of it. That's a thing as well. You could buy a couple of chairs that are about to go in the Slaver Warrior community co-working space in Farram, which I'm staring at. The keys right there on that desk. Got them in our hand. They're right there. You know, the plan is set, the social media machine is starting to go, the awareness is going on, the people are starting to go oh, could I come to that?
Speaker 2:And I'm like, yeah, of course you can, absolutely there's a launch party that's about to go out and that there I hope, through a lovely combination of the good work through Save a Warrior and Adam and our entrepreneurial spirit if you want to call it anything the two of them can work together and through the co-working space, I believe that that can prop up 100% of the output for Save a Warrior, prop up 100% of the output for Sabre Warrior, if we can get that right and pop up a few of those around the space, around the UK and even virtually, who knows. But it's growing that community in its simplest form, that's all it is. We're growing a community that is aware of this greater good through what we're doing there. Um, and although it's military, police and fire service, those, those three uniforms that will come through, it's their spouse, their children, their work environment, it's their drinking buddies, it's their gym buddies, it's their, their friends, their neighbors. It's those people that will actually benefit from that person going through the program In a sort of twist.
Speaker 2:It's those ripples away from that one person. You know, we're all onions in those layers around us. The people around them will benefit as well, unknowingly. Oh wow, tom's in a really good spot. He's doing all of this stuff and he's a pleasure to be around and he's not drunk all the time and he's working really well and he's he's bringing it, he's doing all of this stuff, whatever the thing is, but it's it's those generational ripples out from that person that comes through and sits on that seat. There's probably,000 people sitting on that one seat at that one time if you look down the timeline, and they're the KPIs that we'll never be able to measure. They're the people that will be in existence because of that one thing, and that's why I sacrifice this time gladly. I don't need this. I will put what I am in service of a hundred percent to this thing, um, at the cost of things that I'm very aware of well.
Speaker 1:Thank you for that, mate. Thank you for your service, tommy. It feels like quite a good place to start wrapping it up, mate, but I'm always keen to ask, I guess, what would be one message that you would like to leave listeners, or even yourself, or something that we've not talked about that you feel compelled to mention.
Speaker 2:Keep going, mate. Keep going. All right, you're doing a great job and I see you and I'm in awe of everything that you've accomplished so far and I see everything that you're about to accomplish in the future. Just keep going. Well done. That's for all of us, by the way. But thank you, tom, I appreciate that buddy, yes, it is.
Speaker 1:Just keep going. Well done, that's for all of us, by the way. But thank you, tom, I appreciate that buddy. Yes, it is.
Speaker 2:It is I see you and that there is the thing I see you and to be seen and to feel that friendship and that contact and know that we're not alone.
Speaker 1:That's important, it's massive, it's absolutely massive. It's massive and for me that's something that summarises that experience of those 72 hours is that connection through compassion, because the stories don't matter. People very, very quickly got the ability to see the person's heart and and really, what's in there is love. Although it might be very wrapped up or slightly trapped, um, or slightly dismissed, it is, is there and by the end of that experience, you see it, you see it. So yeah, tom, where can people find out a bit more about yourself or Save a Warrior mate if they're interested in starting that conversation, as you said?
Speaker 2:Thank you. You can email me directly, thomas, at saveawarriorukorg. That will come straight to me. If you want to have a little bit more of a peripheral look and then have that contact, just search Saver Warrior UK on your search engine. It will come up and just explore our website. There's a little bit of work you need to do to have a read around all of the webpages. There's a lot of content on there, but do or seek out someone that's sat the seat and ask them questions, because they'll tell you their version of it as well and maybe that will land for them as much as for you.
Speaker 1:Tom, mate, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for spending the afternoon chatting to me, buddy. It means a great deal. I'm so chuffed I got to meet you in person and give you that hug and look you in the eye and tell you I love you and for all that you are doing all who you are being as well. So thank you, mate.
Speaker 2:I see you pleasure man, thank you.