63 Aaron Hill: Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself

Ever caught yourself saying "I should" before tackling a task, only to feel immediate resistance? That simple word reveals volumes about our emotional landscape and often keeps us trapped in patterns of guilt and judgment.

Our language gives profound clues about what's happening beneath the surface, with "should" being one of the clearest signals that we're operating from obligation rather than choice.

These patterns typically originate in childhood when our lives were structured by external authorities telling us what to do, when to do it, and how to behave in various situations.

The path to freedom begins with awareness. By noticing when we use "should" language, we can investigate whose voice is really speaking. Is it truly our own, or are we hearing echoes of parents, teachers, or social expectations from years ago? 

Ready to stop "shoulding" all over yourself? Listen now and discover practical strategies to transform obligation into choice, discomfort into growth, and limitation into freedom. 

Share your own experience with breaking free from "shoulds" in the comments and subscribe for more conversations about forging resilience in everyday challenges.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Forging Resilience

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Forging Resilience, exploring for a different perspective on strength and leadership. Join me as we discuss experiences and stories with guests to help gain fresh insights around challenge, success and leadership. Stop shooting all over yourself. Today, this is a classic example for me. I feel like I should record a podcast episode. The thing is, our language gives so many clues as to what's really going on for us internally or emotionally, and should often is a sign of that. We're sat in guilt or judgment. We're kind of stuck. So if I look at my own example here, I should record a podcast, because I've decided to record one with a guest and one on my own. Yeah, the recording of the one on my own is new.

Speaker 1: 0:57

It's still uneasy, and there's a level of expectation that I have placed on myself and a judgment about how I sound when I speak on my own. What will people think? What people see? What do I make that mean? So there's a level of judgment, and that level of judgment is something that we can learn to bring into our awareness and not necessarily be controlled by.

Speaker 1: 1:24

A lot of the time then we fall into these habits because it's what we've been taught as young kids. We get told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, if to do it. And our lives are a set of obligations or standards which we take from childhood into adulthood how to behave in front of certain people, the way to dress at a certain time or date or event. And so when we start to wander from these social expectations and norms, what helps to try and keep us in line, or a sense of guilt or judgment to bring us back in line, because if we don't, the potential is danger, the other side. So what we do when we should all over ourselves is really limit. Often it comes from our parents, from our teacher, teachers or caregivers, and we can feel a real sense of frustration when we silently go about meeting these obligations that may not even be aligned with us or what we really want to do. So the first thing that we can do when we notice this is that notice the language you use when we get to do certain activities, certain tasks, certain conversations. Just watch our language, your language.

Speaker 1: 2:55

What comes up for you, like with me in this podcast, the should. I can dance around that all day and keep me away from doing it, or I can just accept the fact that it's new, it's still uncomfortable. I'm still forming my ideas verbally, unscripted, and that takes time. I get to decide what I make that mean, and so what I can do is step out of. Yep, okay, there's a level of expectation, there's a level of discomfort that I've put on myself that probably comes from the things that I've been taught as a young lad, and now, as an adult, I can decide what I want to do with that Because, as I said, as kids, our lives are led out for us.

Speaker 1: 3:43

As kids, we do what we should. As kids, we do what we should, whereas adults we do what we choose. So I can either choose to do this recording in discomfort or not, and that starts to flip and change the emphasis on the task that I have in hand. So next time you find yourself shitting all over yourself, there's a couple of little things that we can do In terms of feeling guilt. Then often we're following an obligation that we think others want us to do, or that we do what is perceived as to be the correct thing. So it's worth asking ourselves and really trying to get clarity on what is it that I really want?

Speaker 1: 4:34

What is this resistance trying to teach me in terms of judgment, as I've already alluded to again. Whose judgment is that? Does it really come from you, or is it something that's being projected? Or is it something being projected onto you from your past? Whose voice is that? Is that a voice? If it is a voice in your head, whose voice is that? Is that a voice? If it is a voice in your head, whose voice is it? And the last reframe is when we do catch ourselves using should is to replace it with I choose. I choose to do this podcast. In fact, I want to do it. Yeah, as a. I don't want to feel that level of discomfort, but I have a choice as a 45-year-old man, not as a conforming nine-year-old kid. So here's a few little ideas on what you can do if you find yourself shitting all over the place.