S3 Ep106 James Malone: Honour the Impulse

War doesn’t stay in the past. And neither does the identity you built to survive it.

Parts of this conversation go to some heavy places, including suicide and mental health. 

Today I sit down with James Malone, former Royal Marines commando and now founder of Palpa Films to explore what really happens when you leave one life behind and try to build another.

James walks us through that shift. From Afghanistan to maritime security. From remote mines in Australia and New Zealand to picking up a camera and starting again. It’s not a straight line. It’s messy. At times, destructive. And honest.

We talk about what combat leaves behind. The pressure. The responsibility. The moments you can’t control. And what it’s like when others see something in you before you’re ready to admit it yourself.

This isn’t just about transition. It’s about what comes after.
 The drinking. The avoidance. The turning point.
 James shares the “burn the ships” moment that forced a different path and how small, consistent actions became a way out.

We also get into the work he does now. Creativity. Storytelling. Learning to trust instinct. “Be ready. Honour your impulse.”  And what it means to make something about something not just of it.

There’s a thread through all of this:  You don’t escape it. You learn to work with it. If you’re navigating change, carrying something heavy, or trying to figure out who you are after the role you once held this one will land.

To reach out to James, find him on LinkedIn or via his website.

If this conversation brings something up for you, don’t sit with it on your own. You can reach out to Save A Warrior UK for support. 

Forging Resilience supports Save A Warrior

Save A Warrior works with veterans and first responders facing complex PTSD and the reality of suicide.

Through this podcast, we’re supporting their work.

If you want to get behind it, you can do that by buying a bag of  Major Stoke Blend coffee.
All profits go directly to Save A Warrior.

Good coffee. Real conversations. Work that matters.

Transcript

Welcome And What We Explore

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Forge and Resilience, real conversations for high performers facing transition. I'm Erin Hill. And join me as I talk with people about challenge change and the adversity they faced in life, so we can learn from their experiences, insights, and stories. Way down to uh one and then go. Today on Forge and Resilience, I'm joined by James Malone. He's the founder and creative director of Palpa Films, which is a Bristol-based production company focused on an honest documentary-led storytelling. James is a former Raw Marines commando, and his journey into filmmaking hasn't been a straight line shaped by the realities of service. More of a difficult period of struggle after leaving and the work of rebuilding life with more honesty and more direction. James, welcome to the show, mate. Ron, thanks for having me, mate.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

It's a pleasure to get to have a conversation with you.

Joining The Royal Marines

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Yeah, I mean I've been looking forward to this, mate. Um my glasses have steamed up, which just shows you how warm it is here and where I am and how excited I am, mate. So can't fluff it. Um James, give us a bit of a an overview of your story and what brings us to be sat here today having this conversation, mate.

The Art Path He Never Took

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Um, well, I guess we both, you know, were in the military and we met through uh mutual friend um uh about a year ago, and I was doing video production for them. Um and uh yeah, I you know, I left school at 18, joined the Marines, originally wanted to go to a art college, and um was dissuaded from doing that, and then uh yeah, decided to join the Marines instead um because it was easier, and then um yeah, served five years in the Marines, did one tour of uh Afghan, and I'd always assumed I'd do you know 20 odd years or something in the core. I just thought that's what you did. But one tour in Afghan was you know, had a guts fall there, so sort of the lure of um easy cash with maritime security at the time was was big and seemed like a nice out, and that was that was a nice soft landing from the Marines. Worked with lots of people who'd been in the Marines or the Paras, so it's quite nice. You know, it's nice to have some cash in the back pocket and did a lot of travelling, but soon felt quite stagnant in that. Did like three years of that and just thought, well, you know, you just I'm literally wasting time here. So um someone told me about this thing called rope access. Um, I googled it literally when we were in Saudi on alongside, and uh thought, yeah, I'll do that. Um, didn't do any real research around it, just sort of booked a course and started it's basically a labour's loophole rope access. You do all the things that labourers do, but at height. Um, but it was cool because uh ended up like travelling more, moved to Australia and New Zealand, worked in the gold mines offshore, iron ore mines in really remote places and you know in the outback in Australia or out in the bush in New Zealand and stuff. And uh whilst I was away travelling um and working, it's then I sort of started to take photographs photography seriously. Someone bought me a film camera and I got a few photos developed, and then a photo I took on my phone at work, made it onto a a stamp in New Zealand, and then a few people were like, Oh, you you know, you could probably do that if you for a living maybe. But the difference between someone saying that and you know noticing you might have an eye for something and being able to make it an a living, you know, that is a that is a vast, vast chasm. Um so yeah, kind of, and I don't think there's a there's there's no arrival either, I don't think. So um the sooner you understand that the better. And that's kind of yeah, that that led me to working for um Simon Jeffries of the Natural Edge, who's an ex um military man and uh special forces operator. Um yeah, and produced his YouTube channel for a few years and all his other content, and now we do sort of documentary and corporate documentary. Awesome mate.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

What was what was the the the s the the nudge to not go to art college before you mate? What did that look like?

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Uh the no the nudge was um a stone word from my father um basically said um I mean from his perspective I think he saw me at school surfing and BMXing and not really trying that hard because I was at school and I was a teenager and then I said I was gonna go and do some you know, an art degree, fine art degree. And um I think you know if you're from a working class background, then anything that isn't doesn't immediately give you sort of economic feedback is a risk and it's selfish, um which is fair enough. So I think there's probably that in it, it was always you know, get a trade kind of thing. And I didn't want to do that, or I I did not want to do that, I didn't want to be a builder, be digging post holes in the snow. So um yeah, I just said oh I you know I'm gonna join the core, and he told me what he thought of that, and um yeah, which I now know is because he kind of knew what was what was what was coming, I think. So yeah, uh yeah, that was kind of the switch. It was like, well, sort of screw you then. Yeah, uh I'm gonna I'm gonna prove you wrong, I'm gonna join and I'm gonna be gonna be good at what I do.

Don McCullin And Finding A Lens

SPEAKER_01 5:48

What was the allure or the lure of sorry, the allure to to find to fine art and studying studying that mate?

SPEAKER_00 5:55

I found a book uh in the library. Um I'd always like been interested in drawing and had like that was my that I would rather stay in and draw than go out and play. Um that always like meant trouble, uh where I was from. Um so um, but then when I and I studied art in school at GCSE and A level because it was you know, I didn't want to do English literature, like basically. Um I kind of wish I'd done English literature now. Uh and I picked up um we had to go and draw these portraits of our family as one of our like GCSE art um sort of homework pieces, and no one in my family would sit down and let me draw them. That was that was never gonna happen. So I went to a um I went to the library at school and just got pointed in the direction of photography books or portrait books. And the first one I pulled out the shelf was a book by Don McCullen, and on the front of it is a photo of a shell-shocked marine, and I just drew that. And I basically I think I got fined in the end because I didn't never return the book, because it was just um like just unbelievable, unbelievable. It's so good that they his photography is so good that the the MOD and the military sailed without him to the Falklands, basically, because it was so sort of visceral and raw, essentially. So um, and that he's been a hero, you know, photos photographic hero of mine ever since. Um maybe this part of me thought I could be the next Don McCullough, but yeah, I didn't know how to get that.

Afghanistan And The Guts Fall

SPEAKER_01 7:29

I thought a degree in art somehow would help me, so um something you mentioned in terms of of of your service, mate. You said you had a gut fall. What what what did that look like? Well what's what's a gut fall?

SPEAKER_00 7:42

A guts fall would be um, you know, more sort of you get more than your wildest more than you ever anticipated in your sort of wildest dreams of combat. Like there is a part, I think it's like intrinsic and innate in men especially, that once that, uh wants adventure, combat, brotherhood, belonging, um, you know, all those tribalism kind of feelings that are in us. Um and then when you go there and you you sort of hold your own feet to the fire, you sele self-select and you go and do those things. And then I realized that maybe wasn't maybe not that that was not the real role for me. I always kind of felt like um when I joined the core I felt like you know, you join the core, you finish training, and you realise that actually getting a green beret is just the minimum standard. That's like it's like passing your driving test, you can't drive, you can pass a test, right? But it's a you know, you've got a lot to learn and quick, because you know, the curtain closed after getting that green beret, and it was like, who's gonna 4-5 commando? Right, you're deploying in four months. You're like, okay, and it gets quite real then. You realise ah, you know, there's the easier ways to impress people, yeah. Well you've got to do it for yourself, really. Yeah, um and yeah, the tour Herak 9, um, three commander brigade in Sangin, and we were in Upper Guresh Valley, but yeah, lots of things happened, people got killed and injured, and um yeah, like kind of it was one of those things I just kind of live with every day. It's it's one of those, it's one of those things where you know you can think of moments where you know something's gonna happen, you can't do anything about it. You just you right you you cannot take control of that situation, and then you know, you know, an RPG hits the wall 12 inches below where you and your mates are, and then you're then you're ambushed, and you're digging in with your eyelids. I can remember pressing in my face so hard into the mud and breathing in the dust and just thinking, you know, I'm gonna get hit, I'm gonna get hit, I'm gonna get hit. And that was like quite fairly, yeah, fairly fairly regular. I think there was I don't want to put a number on it, but I guess I'll have to, but there was probably like over a hundred like contacts and ID strikes um for our troop, so which is quite a lot, I think, in you know, 170 days or whatever it is that you're away, and sometimes that's once a day, sometimes that's five times a day, sometimes that's sustained for an hour, every hour for you know most of the evening or whatever. So yeah, I just and obviously, you know, it's not like in the movie, someone dies and they you know hand you a photo of their girlfriend, like it's horrific. It's you you know, they're people are torn limb from limb. Um and they're you know, it's like turning the power off, they're just gone. And um I think I was 20, 19 or 20 at the time, so I guess I haven't got you know fully developed brain that we know what we want in life, and that happens, and it's just like yeah, you never escape from it.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Yeah, like and I and I guess there's a price to not only being exposed to that, but then constantly exposed to it.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

Um yeah, yeah, there's no escape. There's no escape, I think. And I was um I was a point man, so I was doing the you know, leading a section or troop, or sometimes a company plus you know, armoured vehicles or whatever through the green zone on one narrow channel. And you are you well, I know this now, but at the time I felt responsible. So I would clear a channel that was wide enough to get whatever through I would mark and avoid areas, and then um you feel so responsible, and also you don't know if the next step you take is gonna kill you, or you know, you find something and you get on your belt buckle and you you have to uncover in the dust um what is a bomb essentially, or roadside bomb, or some sort of device that's gonna excuse me, something's gonna um yeah kill you, take your head off, cut you in half, or that of your mates, and have to live with it. So, which is probably the worst thing, you have to live with those decisions and those choices you make or don't make, um, and that's yeah, tough. So, was it a relief to get away from that world and that that that level of violence and um yeah you never get away like once you've been there and you've experienced it for me, I don't think you ever get away from it. It's just like you you know what amazes me about it is that in the moment when it is real and when it can have you know when there is cause and effect, as in life or death, there is moments where you are like scared and it's precarious, but largely you just go into it because you're surrounded by people who well they're incredible. They're you know, some of those people when you you know when you walk rock up to your unit, you you'll know what I'm talking about. When you first walk down to your place of work or Zulu company for me, as it was, it's like walking into St. Paul's Cathedral the first time. It's incredible. You've just got all these, in my in my opinion, you know, giants around you, everyone feels everyone feels bigger. Um, and you go to war with them people, and they're behind you, or they're next to you, or they're in front of you, they're telling you like it's okay, come with me. Um and that's in and that's incredible, but um then when you leave those actual life or death sort of scenarios or situations, um what's actually scarier is when it isn't real and it's having a physical effect on you, and that's always I've kind of always been baffled by that. Like always felt like um yeah, you you know it isn't real, but it has a physical effect over you, and that's something that just both bothered me for the best part of a decade, and you know, it still does from time to time, but I just yeah, much better control of it now, and it was yeah, 15 years ago, whatever it was, yeah, 16 years ago.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

So, what what what what brought this to a to a head for you?

Going Back To Finish The Tour

Running Away Through Work And Drink

Burn The Ships And Getting Sober

Turning Photography Into A Living

Shame Tools And Meeting Needs

Creative Work Without Ego

SPEAKER_00 14:13

Um I so when we were deployed, um a couple things happened. A few lads got killed. Um, there was an ID strike that killed someone and injured someone else, and then there was also a blue-on-blue incident with a javelin anti-tank missile, um, which killed two people and injured a few others. Um, and obviously, like point man, you're just sort of in there and you do the clear-up. And as you can imagine, the clear-up is yeah, there's no nice way to put it, but you know, top flapping body parts, it's essentially what you're doing, filling your day sack full of body parts. And um I sort of uh I remember thinking when those things are happening, okay. Now's now is the time you have to do your job, and everything else you feel is irrelevant, just do your job. Um and then um my section commander came back from R and he told me I don't well, I was on Sanger Duty and he came, I was on like Lookout or whatever you call it, and um he came to me and said, What's what's happened over the last two weeks? Because this all happened in between New Year's Eve and the 14th of January, and um I said, What you what do you mean? He sort of talked me through everything, so I told him. Um and he said, I don't know what's changed, but you've you lost your mojo, and he's like, It was weird that he said mojo because he's never said that he'd never said that word before. It was weird. Imagine a corporal in the Royal Marines saying the word mojo, like quite an odd instance, I suppose. Um and uh we had a brief the day after the blue on blue. I learned this last year actually, but my sergeant major came to meet me for a coffee, and um he came for a coffee and we chatted for like three and a half hours about all kinds of things. But he said um he did a brief the day after, like a bit of a clear lower deck, got everyone in, you know, this has happened, here's how we're gonna deal with it. And he said he remembers looking at the crowd and you know, people being largely faceless and being a crowd, and then he saw me, and it gave him a flashback to being 14 years old and learning about the first world war in history in school. And he said, You reminded me of a picture that I saw of someone who had shell shock basically, and I thought it's like such a cliche and so corny. But he said I could not forget it. He was like, I it just took I'd never felt anything like that before, and I knew there, and then I had to do something about it. So largely a decision was like taken from me like, Oh, you need to go back to Bastian and speak to someone. So I did while I was in Bastian, a friend of mine who was in the military committed suicide. Um, so I went home, dealt with that funeral, um and then uh was under the care of the sort of mental health team, um, which is an odd sort of scenario to be in because ultimately you have all these people that you work with and respect and look up to, and they're there to sort of you know tell you what to do, but also to care for you. And then I sort of felt like I'd been rumbled, um, and like the rug had been pulled from under me. And there's no hard feelings about any of that, but like you're you build this image and feeling about yourself um that you believe, and I believe I believed it to my core and to my marrow that like I am a Royal Marines commander and I can do anything. And um then all of a sudden some things happen, and someone says, You're this it's not okay, something's wrong, and other people see it. Um, and that was like I don't know, I guess a bit of a problem for me. So yeah, I went back to the UK. I'd know this now, but I was supposed to stay in the UK, but there's obviously like terrible communication, and I didn't I was just on my own, like, and there was no one there, there was no one to you know pick me up, there's no one to meet me. I just went home, dealt with the funeral, and then was just on the piss. So I was just like, okay, I can drink you know 20 pints of beer um on my own, or I can um go back to Afghan. So I got my uniform on and just turned up to Bryce Norton and just said, Oh yeah, I'm going back to Zulu Company, I'm going to Afghan. And they were like, What the what? There's no, you're not on any orback. Um so but while I was there, they were like, Well, you can't just jump on a flight, we've got a book onto flight, we need this logistics. While I was there, so they were like, Go and get some food in the galley, or whatever they call it in the RAF at Bry's. And when I was in there, a lad from school was there. Um, he was a driver in the RAF. And uh he was like, What are you doing here? And I was like, I'm trying to go back to Afghan, and there wasn't a plane ticket for me. So um he's he said, Well, what are you gonna do? And I was like, I'm gonna wait till I get a ticket. So wait till I get a seat, and then um yeah, he I just crashed with him for two nights, which is quite fun. Um, just slept on his floor, got him in trouble because we got drunk and uh he was late for work. Um couldn't drive the pilots to the restaurant or something, but um but um yeah, and then uh yeah, I got a I got a ticket back out there and rocked up. I remember rocking up to to sort of the the battlefield company lines in Camp Bastion and um the uh TQ called Shiner was just like what are you doing here? I thought you were staying in the UK, and I was like, no one told me that. Um and then I yeah, we checked in with the mental health team, and I'll just who the guy who was my he was like my second mental health nurse didn't get along with the first one, so like you kind of you have the power to like can them if you don't get along with them. And um, this the second guy I met called Darren Um he was a legend and he was like, Where do I know your name from? And it turns out he'd served as he was a like a stoker, I think, on the Campbell Town or the Gloucester of the first golf and my dad was a strike, a sergeant of the boarding team um on that deployment. So we kind of we just hit it off, and he just said, you know, you're not well well, you're not he's like, you're not right, you're not well. Um, what do you want to do? And I just said, I am well, and just had was maintained and was adamant that I was fine and that it would be better for me to go and finish the tour with the lads I came out with. So yeah, I had six weeks left, I think, and flew back out to the phone. He's like, Well, you know, if that's what you want to do, I you know it was sort of like I can stop you, but I won't stop you, I should. But I can see that you really want to do this, so went back out to the sour and I'm really glad I did. I think I if I didn't do that, then um that'd be a massive cross to bear for the rest of my life, along with everything else. Um, but yeah, turned up in my troops drive here. A guy called Tomo was just like sort of grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and was like, are you like I don't know if you know him, a guy called Keith Tompkins, but um he um yeah, he's a bit of a legend in his own in his own right and sort of was doing his job and sort of had a stone word on me, which is the right thing to do, and said don't bullshit me if you if you're not up to this, like there's a real heavy price. So um just like no, I'm good, I need to do this, and yeah, finish the tour. Which was really busy. Um yeah, I'm glad I did it, I'm glad I did it. Um but yeah, th those sort of the that sort of feeling of whatever it was that was bothering me, you know, the sort of invasive thoughts and the despondence and um change in personality I suppose people have commented that like quite cliche stuff like not much behind the eyes and all that um people they didn't know where I'd been either like when I yeah were making comments about that so um yeah I'm I'm glad I I'm glad I did finish that tour and but it just sort of followed me around for the rest of my career really yeah yeah so it take us forward then from from finishing with the core into that that gap that you talked about from from taking the a photograph of a of a on your phone that ended up as a stamp to to making a living what's what's that journey yeah well um so basically um that kind of you know I was working pretty hard on the tools and I kind of essentially ran away to New Zealand um doing drilling there was lots of earthquakes and stuff and we were in like you know really remote places doing cool stuff in helicopters and it was great um and uh yeah I think I'd I would just take photos on my phone and people would always ask for them and then someone bought me a little film camera so I took a few photos and they were nice I'm still like some of them now I'm proud of them um but what what was kind of running adjacent to this was in a drinking problem. Everything I'd not I'd not solved anything I'd just run away and was sort of destructive and essentially become an alcoholic or become really heavy drinker and that sort of like ended in a bit of a crescendo it was like um a friend of mine from back home met me in Sydney and was like when you drink you have the devil in you like and he kind of like again it was in this random turn of phrase that he'd never said before and you're like what um but you know prior to him saying that the two hours before that I'd been drinking on my own in the bar buying shots I'll get this round and get a shot in that kind of thing and it you know all got quite dark felt suicidal really considered it how I do it the methodology around it the mechanism what what would I do what would that do like what would I need to put in place all those things and then coming to the next day was like I guess quite scary waking up where I probably shouldn't and um um yeah that being uh yeah I guess a bit of an issue sorry sorry yeah um and then uh yeah it kind of scared me I guess I was just like I need to I need to make a change and I you know I think that day I didn't it was the 4th of July quit drinking that day was Abselling off the bank west building in um Sydney which is like a few hundred metres you know I mean with a hangover to kill ten parrots like uh just thinking what am I doing what I've got to make a change this is like I know what the result is every time and it's it's shame despair guilt anxiety you know suicide all that kind of all that fun stuff um happy go lucky yeah I don't I don't I just like was looking for answers I was like what can I do now? I downloaded a podcast and I downloaded a podcast called um by the recovery elevator and it was called burn the ships which is you I don't know if you know the concept but essentially there was a Spanish conquistador went to South America Spanish been trying to conquer it for like 400 years he sailed there with a mod the most modern fleet brand new navy brand new ships got everyone ashore they were waiting for a detail what do we do next and he said burn the fleet burn the ships sink everything we're gonna be successful and we're gonna go back in their ships um which in today's age obviously you know colonialism is not that it's not it's not a popular thing you can't really bring it up at the dinner table but um the concept behind not going back and just just only looking forward and being successful and burning the ships was what I did. I was like I'm gonna look at all the money I spend on alcohol all the impact it's made so you know taxis or whatever and food drinks for people missed work what's the real cost of it I worked out that on average per day what the spending was and then at the end of the month I'd save all that money and if I said if I make it three months sober I'm gonna buy the most expensive camera my money can buy and um I did that this is all based off advice from the recovery elevator um and then um I basically would have whenever I had an urge to go drinking or want a beer I would fill that time I would spend 20 minutes learning or doing photography. I was like what's something I really want to do and I don't know what the answers are I don't know where that's going to go. I know what the result is when I don't follow my desires like professional desires or creative desires um it's it's shame and depression uh but I don't know what the answer is if I don't drink because if I think back to times when I didn't drink which was anything up to the age of 15 it was all new experiences it was all expiration it was all fun it was all you know long summer days in the school holidays surfing and going be a Mexican and being with your friends that isn't life that's not reality but that is a time where you you're ultimately happy so it's like well I can probably get back to that and um yeah like I guess it just one foot in front of the other people start asking God can you come and can I have that photo can you come and take that like what would it what would it cost me to get you to have a day off work to take a take photos for me and that's basically become Powper films. Love it love it. What what did you do to change your relationship with yourself or what yeah what did you learn through changing your relationship with yourself um I think it's going back to that piece of um I knew I wasn't learning anything new about myself like when you go through Royal Marines training you're constantly stacking credibility behind yourself. You're proving to yourself first and foremost and to everyone around you that you deserve to be there. And then that stops when you leave the core um because you're constantly it's like a pressure I felt like when I was in the Marines I was redlining just to try and keep up with everyone else I was always jealous of these people who would swan off to um special forces and come back with nice hair and um and faster car and you know they it felt like they were natural soldiers or certainly when they were in the Marines they were natural um and I was always sort of like in awe of that maybe put that on a bit of a pedestal and I felt like I was just like clawing at the walls to try and even be average um professionally I mean I know I was I know I was an alright bloke you know no no one banged me out at a unit not the first week yeah yeah yeah they did when we got back yeah I'm joking but um yeah um so yeah I I I think it was it was trying to find um trying to find uh I don't know the great the great valley from from the land before time you know it was like this lush green place that you know exists what is it what what is in this promised land is there something else that I've been missing what does it take what can I do and it it just come down to do not continue to make those choices that are getting you where you are now which is a life that you fucking hate and it come down to that so burn the ships make new choices and make just keep throwing enough stuff at the wall something will stick if you want to do this make it work if you don't quit it won't fail and and and I guess the follow-on question then is how did you change your relationship with with shame um despair and guilt given that those are quite human emotions and they don't just disappear overnight um I just understand that they're um essentially seasonal um and you can take action and change them um so that's but you have to learn that yeah and I did um I you know wrote a lot because I was working in gold mines and stuff just out in the middle of nowhere you can speak to the to the boys out there you run off the job um they basically the attitude out there was keep up or fuck off that's kind of uh and you and they they'd give you a a DCM which is a a don't come Monday um kind of thing so yeah it was I didn't this was maybe it was before like the sort of high performance sort of podcast sort of surge but um I was like well I need to get things out so I can write them down um and then you load you read them back and then you you read in the diary of a madman yeah do you know what I mean? Yeah um and that was really powerful and it's actually just a really simple tool and um I put in all my most embarrassing things in there I think I even I I think I even torn pages out and burned stuff like trying and I I look back on that I go that is mental that is like that is something out of a film or but actually I mean it worked yeah it worked it worked for me and I just understand now that like um when growing up I got told that I was emotional and that that was always framed in a negative way but actually it's emotions are good and bad and they're all normal um sometimes you're a bit more emotional in a certain sense or a certain you're gonna pigeon out of all the emotions you might have a bigger slice of one at some point but that's due to really simple things um lack of communication lack of sleep lack of uh social socializing or you know you you're often not depressed you have unmet needs um and those needs are often very similar to thirst or hunger you have to address them um which is why they feel so real but they're not they don't it's often you think they won't kill you but they could you know what I mean if you don't drink enough water you will die if you don't eat enough food you will die if you don't stay fit and healthy and exercise you will die like we're all gonna die eventually but you know you can you can alter that that mindset and that state by taking action and those actions were writing things down stop making choices that affect you and others around you try something be very prescribed and direct and make effort around things that you want to change like I never meet anyone I don't socialise so go meet people go climb in join a club do you know what I mean like though those are the things that you have to do and it's it's really hard to do those at first but the other option for me was essentially death so it was like well I don't want to do that yeah I I I'm pretty sure I don't want to do that. I got scared when I was even thinking about it. So like yeah you I I guess I'd give myself no other option yeah yeah and uh in terms of going from from one career that's been quite kinetic pointy and and a certain portrays a certain image to to a creative taking photos doing art in in whatever form it is have you had your struggles with within your own head as well as about your capa capability and and ability to express yeah I think there's always I've always felt like on the on the edge of something not really fully releasing myself and being let go and free um and uh I'm always like I just you know just get around I just need to be free and it like this is a dumb but like it started off by like just finding people who are willing to have creative conversations and don't laugh at them like they they will tell you how a picture makes them feel and they'll break it down whereas um it can be quite difficult in the sort of old life largely not everyone but like largely so that has been really difficult you realise that um you pour your heart and soul into much of these things and or everything and they're parts of what you're when you make something on the whole it's you you're putting yourself into them it's it's all you it's not like in the Marines where it's cookie cutter this is how we do things you can have your tactical opinions on how we might go about them and you can manage personalities to get them done but we need to get from A to B and kill those people or we need to get from A to B and you know do another naath check. It's simple you go there and the feedback is did you do it yes or no okay we win they win that's it but here it's like full spectrum it's like it it's so nuanced and you put yourself into all of it and someone can say well that's that's I don't really get that that's awful that's too much that's too little and it might be something that you thought this is the thing this is fully me so they're also almost like taking a pound of flesh from you every time you do it but you just have to just kind of have to change when it's when you're when it's transactional when it's you know you're getting paid for it you know they're the client they get final say they hire you for a specific reason um in the early days it's because you're cheap and you um can do something that they can't so you learn to put 1% of yourself into the project and just do what they need but then you know as things develop and you get better you become an SME I suppose um and people are coming for your brand and part of you and you have to stand up for what you want they're still paying but ultimately like as the SME or someone with a way of doing things or a taste they you are obligated to tell them how you think you would do it and what is best for the thing you're trying to create if they still disagree then it's on them. That's that that's how I handle it like I will be very clear about how I feel something should be or what something deserves but beyond that it's it's kind of on them and that is a bit of preservation really.

unknown 37:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:13

Yeah I'm I'm also hearing separation I can't help but draw parallels to what you're saying about your journaling and getting out of your head onto paper just gets a bit of distance yeah from it and then you you're able to see it in a slightly different light. So how do you show up then when you when you're meeting people and you know trying to create something together to make sure that yeah you're grounded and not making it all about you but enough of your your your flair your brand your input to to give them what they need with your style yeah I think it's um being honest about whether you're even gonna you're even you can even offer what they want um and also saying if someone says to me I need product photography of trainers um I'll just say no that's that's not what we do.

Style Taste And Story Selection

Military Lessons On Set

Simple Ways To Cope

SPEAKER_00 38:00

I don't do that I I can I can do it but it will be awful um do you know what I mean same as I could probably build a wall but you know give the job to a bricklayer because it would be done in half the time and it will actually look like a wall. So um yeah I think um I just had this with a probably our biggest client and it was just comes down to trust those initial conversations proving yourself and stacking credibility behind yourself in a certain way so that by the time they come to commit to a transaction um a purchase I suppose if if we're you know that's what it is um they've already walked a long way down that path and understand you from everything you've delivered your website work you've previously done but ultimately they they're gonna have specificity around what they want and you have to not bend to it but you have to help them get there's gonna be disagreement but that's part of it you know essentially there are no bad ideas you know there's no stupid questions because you might have an idea or put something on paper or on film for them and it'll send them into a completely different direction which serves the story or the film or the photograph or the product whatever it is first and that's ultimately what we want to try and do you have to remove your ego and observe and be there and get it and then craft it afterwards and in the way that you do it I think that's you have to do it long enough for them to see you doing it long enough and for you to understand that about yourself that that's what you offer what what would you say is your unique style that you try and and um build into your your work I think it's making very good selections about specific moments that say more than a paragraph could or you know the best piece of advice I ever saw or read. Maybe maybe there's two is be ready and honour your impulse so what what that is is have a camera with you have it turned on if you see something take it do it make it that's cute because it will will never happen again and also um making things about something rather than of something so everyone can take a photo of the sun but you know put two people kissing in that photograph and it's a different story isn't there's a story um and it's about sort of it's really fine it's really nuanced it's just trying to have like develop a taste and have taste about okay this moment matters this turn of the head matters this says something this um the last client it was all about contrast so they're from Yorkshire and they were building something for Milan right and I was like well there's immediate contrast there I feel like heavier industry of the north of England versus like the fashion capital and the finesse of Italy and I think of Yorkshire tea and espresso and that's what I sold them I sold them contrast but ultimately it's a unified direction all going to the same goal and everyone wants success so you know it's almost like I was selling them that contrast in yin and yang and pointing those things out to me to them and what I was selling well what I offer them is being there all the time and getting it done uh making those selections embedding um and being ready and being able to pull a story out or understand what that story is and so they don't have to worry about it but I can demonstrate who the people are in that company and what it is they're doing and why it matters. So that's a bit waffle even no no not at all and and and I'm I'm I'm curious is there any is there any truth to the idea that the story that I'm telling myself in my head of that that that contrast is is is very unique to you from your world of of coming from this very rigid aggressive violent type of to world to be able to yeah to be more in touch with what's going on inside you be able to to express it be able to get distance and separation so that you can yeah it's a projection of your own contrast and contrast just gives so much weight to specific moment um you know it can be as an example filming um 25 people all from Yorkshire you know building something you know hammering tongs and chucking stuff up and in the rain and fact breaks and builders tea and all that kind of stuff and they're saying the word beautiful and finesse and they're emotional about something that they've done and they're embracing each other and you know that's obvious you don't need to say that you can show that and it's just giving I suppose it's understanding what your audience is so my audience likes documentary and they like it in a certain style it's handheld it's raw it's observational and also then when you've understood that giving them credit so giving your audience or your listener credit they will they they like what you deliver they will understand what it is you're trying to say so yeah just just do it basically I wish there was a more poetic answer but ultimately it's like yeah be there be ready and make good selections yeah yeah love it mate is there anything uh you think that you bring from your time in in the military to to filmmaking now James yeah I think it's um it's uh you you being able to mould yourself from you know a civilian into a Royal Marines commando and knowing that there's a process and you trust the process um and that you you s you stick in there you stick with it it's not gonna be it's not a straight road it's a path you know and that winds and it's you know goes all over the place and it's turbulent um and I think just being okay with that and riding out problems is real a real benefit. It just happened on a shoot two weeks ago in Sweden. Day one first shot first day drone crashed smashed to bits no drone shots. But it's like okay well we just do the shots that we have planned on the ground. Um and make them the best they can be. Because now we don't have a drone, so let's not w moan about it. I think there is there's a certain element of like detriment to that, like the whole um you know, no one died, no one got pregnant kind of kind of attitude. Um some people want you want to see that you care, but I always look at things that I know that bluster and emotion in the main doesn't help those situations. It will not magic back a drone. It doesn't, it won't. It's not gonna do anything. Ah, what we're gonna do. We're gonna film on a camera, we've got two of them, don't worry about it. Like, please okay, I'm sorry, hold your hands up straight away. I'm sorry, I've just broke, that was my fault. We've we're in the Arctic Circle, we're not getting a replacement. I will do my best with everything else we do have, mate.

SPEAKER_01 45:25

To um to anyone that's listening to this, um that that is struggling. I'm curious what what do you do going back a little bit to to when when you're struggling when when stuff's starting to build up for you? What are some of the things that you do to deal with that?

Final Thoughts And Thanks

SPEAKER_00 45:45

Um exercise, um, and listen to listen to Metallica. Um and I talk to my wife. I just go home and talk to my wife. We got like a pretty solid rule where we don't let you know if you if you've got something on your mind, you tell them immediately what your first available opportunity, and it always makes things better. Um drink some water, eat some food. And it's I ran an ultra last year, and it was like uh basically like that in a in a box. Like, I don't feel well, I don't feel well. What can I do? Well, I can change my pace, I can say I feel lonely. What do I do about that? Say hello to everyone that runs past me. Okay, now I don't feel lonely anymore. Um I'm feeling really hot. What do I need to do? Drink some water, cool down. I'm feeling tired, eat some food. Like it's seasonal, they are seasonal, they do change. Like it's it's taking action. Yeah, it's you don't need to wait for motivation, it comes down to that sort of you know, you roll out of bed, you get your socks on, you get your trainers on, you step out the door, you you jog, you don't run, you'll feel better in 10 minutes. It's it's really, really simple. There's no sort of magic bullet, I don't think. But yeah, I think going back to the first two, it's yeah, do some exercise, talk to my wife. Sometimes not necessarily in that order, but um love it, mate. That's just really simple.

SPEAKER_01 47:07

Love it, mate. As as we start to round this this conversation out, James, is I'm I'm curious if there's anything that we've not talked about that you'd like to mention.

SPEAKER_00 47:17

Um no, I just think it's um it's really nice to be able to have these conversations and like they're really I think we can live in our own heads quite a bit, and you're oh what did someone say to me that sticks to me as well? Like, you can spend when you're running a business or trying to get through life or do well at work or in family, there comes a point where um you spend too you spend too much time in your own head, and you think I think I've had conversations with people I haven't, and someone said you spend all your time fighting fires only to realise that you were the arsonist, yeah. Um, and like the way of getting around that is by sort, yeah, again, just coming back to sharing that load. So it's you know, write it down, speak to someone, um, get it out there, take a photo, do a painting, water dog, I don't know. Uh make your mark is is a really way of dealing with it if you can't talk or find it scary to talk.

SPEAKER_01 48:17

Love it, mate. Love it. Well, James mate, thank you so much for taking time to speak to us today. I've I've really enjoyed that conversation. I appreciate your openness and honesty to to talk about the the highs and lows from from from life as well, mate. And there's some really interesting things for for people to go away and dwell on there, mate. I'm gonna leave your contact details in the show notes, but yeah, for what it's worth. Thank you very much, mate. I really appreciate it. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_00 48:42

Yeah, thank you, mate. Thank you for having me. I've I'm really it's it's a it's uh it's an honor, it's a pleasure. It's it's a great opportunity to be able to say it out loud. So thanks. My pleasure. Cheers, mate.